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October
2004 page 2 - 15th thru 31st Holloween
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October
15 2004 a little about friday night.
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Mia
and Matt pay the E-bar visit form the Mid west...
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Another
day another 50cents
I
practiced a little at BBC
And
then went home for Triannul practice...
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October
15 2004
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A
Grimm Fairytale |
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October
2004 page 2 - 15th thru 31st Holloween
October
2004 page 2 - 15th thru 31st Holloween
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October
13 2004 Wed
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Hmmmm.
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Stuff
I did on Wed
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Yuko
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Yuko
And William Play Darts
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October
2004 page 2 - 15th thru 31st Holloween
October
2004 page 2 - 15th thru 31st Holloween
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Val
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Val
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VAL
Makes The
Village Voice!!!!
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October
12 Tuesday Just catching up.... with Life
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Before
I go any further with imputing the last couple of days….I
just wanted to add a little “reality” that
has been called to my attention.
The Formidable and Wise Alexa says:
Many of us are self-created drama junkies. If you find yourself
repeating a certain pattern in your life, despite that it makes
you unhappy, you are probably addicted to your own damaging behavior.
If you continuously find yourself in situations of comparable
psychological pain, it’s because on some emotional level
you crave it. Everyone wants to be at the center of their own
universe, so they seek out attention in different ways. Some
of us can only be satiated by the attention that sticking our
toes in a dangerous situation will create. We are in love with
the excitement of getting away with something forbidden. But
when we get caught, we despair. It is only during those prime
moments, when we are consumed by the drama and titillation of
breaking the rules, that we truly enjoy ourselves. All moments
following the collapse of the precarious circumstances are hellish
and filled with regret.
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October
11 2004 Monday APA Match.
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7:00pm First the team Match...Things
did not go as I hoped. I
am lost...no Im not...I
know what I have to do and
it bums me out... |
1:00am Went to Satillite for a drink...Dispite the obvious
going on next to me I was very Unhappy with tonight
results... |
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Accommodating
personal convince or accommodating personal preference?
What about
the team? My Tuesday team is in first place and my Monday
team is in….well… not in first place. This
is hurting me. Yesterday I let it happen again…oh
well. My Monday team lost yesterday, again. I see why we
lost and I also see that there is nothing I can do about
it but accept the loss. There is going to be more losses
as long as I keep doing what I am doing. Masha stood till
the end of all the matches. I should have played Masha
at some point during the match. Sometimes match up don’t
mean who is the better mechanically skilled but who would
be the more appropriate at the moment. Stylization is key
with some teams. I don’t like Douglas playing some
other opponent that is going to conflict with his sense
of repore. I tried to avoid throwing him out blindly, taking
a gamble with his handicap. I lost the gamble all for the
sake of accommodating another teammate. |
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October
09 Satrarararar RaRarARaRARARAR RARA
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October
09 Satrarararar RaRarARaRARARAR RARA |
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October
2004 page 2 - 15th thru 31st Holloween
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October
8 2004 About yesterday night... Adam is a Dad yay!!!! |
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News Flash
Adam is Dad!!!! A Girl 7 Pounds…she has a Mohawk.
My back is killing me!!!!
I like Sangria, better than Wine….
Michelle comes to a new realization about herself!!!
Minimum wages in New York State are going up!!!
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October
7 2004 Just Thinking
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Writin
on 10/06/04
I am not feeling to good these days…though I give
this appearance that everything is hunky-dory In my life
and well being; it is not. That’s ok… I just
need too not be a coward anymore. It wont be so bad William.
Just take it one day at a time. I crashed at Eric and Michelle’s
place on Tuesday night. I got a little drunk after I won
my Tuesday pool match on my team “Stick It In”… So
did Mitch; get a little drunk. Mitch graduated today from
her skydiving club; she’s a class “A” jumper
now; woo whoo!! Eric is way cool, so is Mitch, I love those
guys. They look out. I am having some trouble at home but
I know the only way it can truly be resolved is unless
I just leave. I am scared to do this. But I am not sure
whom I am scared for. Me? My family? Or both. I will have
to live one day at a time…yet again with the lone
wolf life style. Any way I shot pool after work, Douglas
And xxx was there. I wanted to say something to xx but
I was just to annoyed at her to know how too. We had wine
the other night then had a little falling out afterward;
It happened last Friday night and it has not been the same
since; whatever.
I know her way to well and I know both of us were just
being a little immature with each other influenced by wine.
I like xxxx to death but she has things about her that
gets on my nerve. I am sure the feeling is mutual. I could
be obvious and transparent sometimes but if you new what
I saw you could not blame for my lame effort’s to
breath on and water the gothic flower. It’s not going
to be the same anymore. That’s ok; its never the
same even when things don’t ever change to begin
with anyway. I think I need to deal with whom I am a little
better and accept where I come from and try not to change
it so drastically and quickly with logic and reason. Just
work with what I got.
*
I have been a little crazy lately…buying Armani sweaters
expensive colognes and drinking like a fish. I have been
drunk since last Thursday. The alcohol is still in my system
right now.
*
1:06am10/07/04 on the train with my new
ibook…Writing
this shit in my head and dreading going home. I am unhappy.
My game is paying for it, my social life is paying for
it, but thank goodness my job is not paying for it because
that would mean my life would be 100x worse than it is
now.
*
1:32am. Today the bench in front of E-bar broke. And I
officially started to look for a new place to live. I feel
better already. Just a little. I wonder if this is what
you call (according to my Zen practices) “re-finding
your self again?” I know I am a little more judgmental
now than I have been all summer. I have more negative feelings
now than I did 5 months ago. I was supremely numb and void
of feeling back then and I think because of that, that
is the reason why my pool game was up. I got two MVP’s
that summer because of my cold like character. I loved
it and hated it at the same time.
*
I bought Sam an iPod today. There are a few things I need
for my self.
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2st
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1ave
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1.
Summary
The healthy drink of Suze.
This cocktail is collected with the safe combination.
I thinks that you can drink it without minding a thing during
or before meal. Enjoy feeling of peculiar bitterness.
Grenadine is optional.
2. Recipe
1oz. Suze
1/2oz. Orange Curacao
1teaspoonful Grenadine
Use 8oz. tumbler. Fill up orange juice and stir. Decorate
with slices of fluit in season. |
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Yellow
Cab
Served
on 2st and 1ave
please
mix with Whine for strange and bizzar behaviour
like dumping your buddie in the middle
of the street for no reason
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October
4 2004 Monday...waking up to reality...again... |
9:30am-Stupid
drama this morning at home...it's never ending....as long
as I stay here. But my mom told me something I never heard
before, it made me cry. It was a good thing if your wondering
what she said.
12:00pm-My
back hurts.
3:45pm-Grasshopper
These green jumpers signify confusion and complexities ahead.
Issues hanging in the balance will require very careful
handling. Don't try to cope alone; get all the competent
adxxxxxe you can muster from friends and associates.-Today,
when I went out for lunch, a grass hopper landed in front
of me, it hit the sidewalk hard, but landed on its feet.
I took a pic of it. It was staring at the camera. Then
it
stared at me. I looked back at it then I walked away. This
means something. A message from above.
Today
we Parkside lounge.
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October
3 2004 Happy Birthday Alex rararararararar rara rarararar
RaRa!!!!
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October,
3 2004 a little about last night....Pool Stuff |
If
you can make the Cue ball go down a straight line going
as close too the horizon on the cue ball as possible say
(two or three o clock or what ever you want to call the
strike point) without scratching, that’s called extreme
English. This is a drill I have been practicing for about
a year or two now. George showed me this along-long time
ago and Tony showed me this in a demonstration on Cue ball
Clock face drills. It works, it make my shot shots look
fancy-shmancy, as Douglas would say. Mechanics are a big
factor here, steady bridge right stance and so on. The
trials and errors I have come across are things like the
object ball getting extremely thrown, and the shape of
your cue tip as well, this is a big factor for trick shot
artist, they
have specific preferences for there cue tips, the kind
they put there, soft tip hard tip and its shape,
Dime, Nickel whatever your liking. If you know were the
spinning cue ball is going to throw the object ball then
you’re in business. This is something you must learn
through trail and error.
Isn't
that right Dempsey?
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October
1 , 2 2004 Friday and Satruday Night random stuff... more
later |
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Random:
Michelle worked Friday night at the E-bar, and Masha worked
the other bar as well, Michelle has the same army bag I
have as well. It was Wavy D's Birthday. There was a hot
booty chick at the bar. I got really drunk on Sat. I drank
a lot and still worked, who gets paid to drink? We do.
I went to work Friday Sat night early, I hate doing that.
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October
2 2004 About last night...Only time will tell |
There
are various ways of hanging out with some one and then there
are various ways of hanging around some one and there is
a little of both. Yes the ten-foot pole has exposed it self,
I have yet again been on the receiving end of my own inner
child tapestry. Which is not so pretty. These last couple
of months I have been coming to conclusions about my own
character, personality and preferences for Dumb-ass-holes
in my life and how they slightly reflects my child hood unpleasantries.
Why a bar William? And why the desire for degenerates that
you keep having around your life? Its not that hard for me
to just tell-em to Fuck off or just walk away, its not like
I am going to lose anything of real substance. I am a child
that comes from a not so perfect family tree and background.
Things are pretty burned and old now in my family and issues
are dead along with opportunities to rectified-em. The aftermath
has left the soil a little sour for a healthy growth. I’m
not that young any more, guys my age have families and homes
and kids and are balding and have a special chair’s
for the end of the day. Today I have lived a fantasy again.
Fantasies are safe, easy. Reality is a lot tougher to live
in. Your not tuff and ballsy catching attitude with some
one who sees you with little subtle words in there speaking
to you. Anger is not tuff, It’s weak. Lying is not
tuff, it’s denial. Lately I have not been too tuff
but I have been a little angry and settling. Dying demons
I think, fighting to resurface. I really need to let go my
chasing laughable ideas for safe haven-reasons. Reality is
tuff; you need a strong heart for it. I smoke, so I weez
when I run and my heart beats a little too hard. I need to
stop smoking. Today some one told me I was smoldering looking
on my website. What a shifty time I had trying to chase the
escape, today it started out lovely then the coin turned.
Fucken ass hole. If I ignore this one and put it in the
fantasy file its just going to happen again. My memory is
a little
shot. I forget key things that can help me end this stupid
charade. If I go back in my web logs about this past year
and read the consistent ass-hole-ish-behaviors then I would
not have let that ten-foot pole poke me in the ribs again.
Fucken dumb ass. I does not matter how much you twist it,
there will always be in that center of that tornado which
is untouched by the designed coil; truth. |
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128
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Armani
Exchange
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