Then I asked.
"Are you judging me?"
She said "no... but"…
Before the conversation went any further I said; defensively.

"You either except me for who I am or our relationship is in trouble. Why are you trying to change me? Am I not the person you thought I was? Even though we only we've known each other for how long? A few months? I mean, what have we done how much have we done together? other than sleep together and go to restaurants and play pool all night? You got two months worth of me and now you are trying to change that little bit of me already."

She said things to me, like; lose a little weight. Cut your hair. Sleep more. Drink less. Then I thought how dare her try to change me… then again. I think about it now, and, she might have been right. But The question came did come to mind. What did she not know who of me I was before I got the green light? Or was I that ken doll in the barbie house she was given as a child? ya-know. Those toy tools of management we give our children to train with and play with?

Toys, those tools that shape young minds. How to handle life when they get older. My nephew played with Lego logs and Tinker toys all day. I gave him Crayola crayons and Playdoe; those wonderful thinking toys. My nephew is now going to school for computer automotive development and engineering.
Did I get a little off subject here?

I was drunk the night we met. A few nights later we fu#%ed to the fragrance of Scotch whisky and the soundtrack to Fight Club. We started-somewhat dating and we barley new each other, it was one of those things. For months it was always we only saw each other at night. I remember the very first time we saw each other in the day light. We both winced a bit, well I know I did. When I saw that cake of makeup on her face and neck… Damn you bar lights. But I wonder what she thought about my teeth and hairline?

A few weeks later we where exactly as we have been in the bar for months then out of nowhere she says to me.

"you should slow down with the drinking".

My reply wasn't a word. It was more of a body expression that resembled this >>> !!? <<<
That is when it went all down hill…or at least I did. I think because we didn't know each other for very long-and we got together so quickly. I would imagine any personal suggestion can be a kick to the nuts even after being so intimate with each other. That first impression, its a gamble, its always a gamble.

This is who I am or at least right now it is. I get high on the fire water, she new this along with it being known throughout our mutual friends. And she wanted me to almost stop-even though we were stoned on the juice when we did the nasty over and over again. This is who I am. Still, was she playing doll house with me or was she looking out for my health when she wanted to change me? But she barely new me.

Hmm, maybe its the way she asked me to cut my hair. Sleep more. Drink less. Maybe she was saying "William you are not made of scotch and bitterness silliness. William, you are better than this, and that's what I see in you"... Maybe that's what she was saying.

If she accepted me for who I am, would we have been a happier couple at the time? Would I have been happier-healthier? Given the circumstances on how we met, I think maybe… hmm. I don't know what to think.

Was she right to judge me and try to change me? And what if I did slow down during those times? Would she still want to be with the person she barley new if I did do those things she asked? How much respect from her would I get if I was willing to change my character for her? Then again, cutting my hair. Sleeping more and Drinking less is not really a bad thing for anybody's health and well being. Maybe she saw something else being suppressed by the booze. Something great. Maybe. I still like me though.

Random train of thought.

I do believe a simple response can be construe as something more then what it is-if you want something.

Carelessness can catch up to you.

Babar is not a republican.

Hot soup can open you up in more ways than one.

There is a significance in the things you say. But still not as much significance as what you do with or without saying anything.

I'm still big on personal responsibility.

Some one once said "You can see a persons character by the things they laugh at". Now-a-days you can also see by the shows they watch.

I said to her. I don't need to feel superior by watching the misfortunes of people lives on reality TV or talent judgment TV. I don't have a chip on my shoulder or some form of Napoleon complex or to disguise some insecurities with arrogance. I am not entertained by watching people judging people or the honey boo boo show or some X factor-telling kids they don't have talent show or anything-that is according to the TV networks, "shows beneath my intellectual demographic". Those shows have a target market audience that is not me.

She said to me "Sunday Again!!". I felt really stupid after that.

Duck is very fatty.

Supposedly, young people grow up after common embarrassing events. But i know for sure, some people never grow up, no matter how embarrassing event was; those are the scary people.