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| December
24th 26th 2006 Xmass Eve and Tuesday |
Were
is the Snow? |
 Bees…the color of
snowflakes.
 I
was in a room. Large, long, almost like a wide hallway,
high ceiling, warmly lit, hard marble floor smooth
but curved. On the left side of the room were large
windows starting form the front all the way to the
back of the room and on the right side were doors also
leading from front to back. There was a lounge couch
at the end of the room, there was a door behind the
couch, my coat was on the couch, I want my coat so
I walk towards it. My heels are clip clop on the marble
floor I look down, and my feet are hoofed, like a satyr.
I walk down the long room; I turn my head to look out
the windows. It was cloudy outside and the room was
high up above the ground. I can see the ground though
on the horizon. It was all smooth stone pavement, hilly,
hazy, shades of grey, I know all about shades of grey.
I hear doors behind me opening and closing and people
talking, I don’t turn
around though. I look forward to get my coat. I reach
the couch and grab my coat, I need to look behind the
couch, and I have to for some reason. Behind the couch
are tiny beehives. I tap one gently, foolishly and
bees, white bees, albino bees horde out by the thousands
covering the room like snow flakes, the buzzing sound
you would naturally hear from a horde of bees sound
more like a gentle wind blown through a flute. Some
of the snow-bees start to land on me but do not sting
me. I’m covered like a snowman now, again I say
the bees do not sting me, instead they whisper to me,
tiny whispers all at the same time, the snow is trying
to tell me something, I am completely covered with
the snow, the snow bees, its heavy, there heavy, I
start to quiver, and they hold me tight, they keep
on with the whisper, there words are blended with the
wind-which is there wings, so many chatter to me softly,
snow flake bees. I feel there frustration, cause I
cannot make out what they are trying to tell me, trying
to get me to do something, to many all at once to much
for me to understand, they fly off me and fly away,
my coat disappears out of my hand and I start searching
for my coat.
`````
|
My dream starts to get jumpy after
that. I remember my cousin was in there I’m talking about the giant
room, and my little brother as well, didn’t see
ether one of them but I know they were there. I remember
going outside to the grey land, I’m interacting
with different kinds of people, I remember angry bees,
only a few though, were chasing me, and I remember waking
up, at first I thought I really woke up, I rubbed my
eyes and go for the bathroom, but, there was a giant
bee hovering over to my right, I guess I really didn’t
wake up. This was a bee, bumble, yellow an black, giant
like the size of a 20 pound turkey, kind of blurry though.
I swat it with my pillow but then I wake up again, I
jump out of my bed and I start to look for my coat, there
it is, I look in my pockets and find…nothing,
I always have something in my pockets. Now I feel there
is something missing, something I dropped or lost,
or maybe it was taken. |
...
Dec 24th 2006
I remember when December in NYC had snow falls
like this. |
It’s
the eve of Saint Nick 2006 and there
is no snow.
Its annoying ya-know, no snow
on Christmas Eve. Was-up with that? Hey Jack,
lets getting cracking with some cold winds and
electric air. Make everything look clean and
new. I miss those seasons. |
  
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| December
22th, 23rd Saturday. About Friday. Day Time and now
night as well |
Mafia |
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| December
20th Thursday. About Tuesday and
Wed Night... |
This
I give you? |
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| Thursday Morning
I make a Scromelet, That
is an inside out omelet |
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Tuesday Night I eat lots
of Junk |
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| Tis
the season to get loaded fa la
la la la, la-la la la. Everybody in NY is really
loaded fa la la la la, la-la la la.
Except for me. I was stoned cold
sober on Tuesday but still felt kinda
hazy, foggy of sorts-in-D’uh
head an-ma-braim. I was kind of hung
over from Monday night as well. I’m
diabetic, so the alcohol stays in my
blood long after I stop drinking. So,
yes, since I have been boozing it up
since last month and on Tuesday I decided
to go dry for a bit, yes, I am now
feeling it; that feeling of too much
of the party thing. It’s ok,
my senses are a bit dulled and my vision
is a little impaired with that blur
on the edges thingy, you know? What
happens to normal eyes on a cold dry
day, but I’m a-okJ I’m
not really complaining. It’s
funny, cause on the way home after
my match, there were a whole lot
of people on the streets of NY really
drunk, I mean laid on the ground
drunk, bumbling over drunk, sleeping
on the subway car drunk. This all
happened last Tuesday. |
    
    
    
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Wed Night: I
eats lots of Sweet
Yummy Cookie
Get your fucken
finger out of my cake Julie...
 
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| December
19th Tuesday. About Last Monday Night |
huh? |
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| December
18th Monday...About Last weekend |
Move
over Tom Cruise |
I’m reading about
this amazing dude…this dude is amazing.
Like charismatic amazing. Like the only
way he would go is by the hands of people
who can never be as amazing like him. I’m
not saying I admire him, but these are
the kinds of cats that walk the earth not
like the rest of us regular dudes.
Rasputin
Political
Figure / Mystic / Drinker /
Known as the "mad monk," Grigori
Rasputin was an outlandish figure in the
court of Czar Nicholas
II of Russia. A wandering peasant and
self-styled holy man, Rasputin became a
favorite of Nicholas and the Empress Alexandra
in 1905 after he laid hands on their son
Alexis, apparently healing the boy of hemophilia.
Rasputin was soon a fixture in the royal
household and a particular confidante to
Alexandra. Wild-eyed and unkempt, Rasputin
was strangely charismatic and his personal
magnetism was legendary; at the same time
his bouts of drinking, womanizing, and
wild behavior created a scandal in Russian
society. He was finally killed in 1916
by a cabal of aristocrats who feared Rasputin's
influence had grown too great. Rasputin's
death became the stuff of legend: assassins
fed him poisoned cakes and wine, and when
the poison failed to kill Rasputin they
shot him and beat him. Still Rasputin didn't
die, until finally the men bound him and
tossed him into the Neva River, where he
drowned. |
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Slipping
away...
What-a-ya-slippen
on you wonder? I’m slipping
on ice, cold hard winter ice. Holding
my whiskey flask in my right hand
and my dignity on the left, all
under a weekend moon in the quite
of the late night. I think slipping
on a sheet of ice, and then falling
down, hard, is a lot better, than
trying not to hit the ground from
your slipping. That dance you do,
to stay on your feet, looks so
undignified and silly next to just
simply falling down, and then just
standing up again.Yes,
in a heartbeat you’re on
the ground with out the dance,
yes, this is much better, not to
fight the fated fall.
Sometimes
one can get away with out falling
on the cold hard ice, but at what
price? Your dignity? Your self-respect?
To proud to admit you walked into
a mistake? A cold slippery mistake?
O’ that dance; that silly-silly
dance of not landing on the cold
hard ice; your warm breath smokes
in the cold air as your arms flail
about struggling to keep standing
on your feet, to proud to take
the fall, or maybe just scared?
So really, what did you get away
with? I can’t do it.
I
cannot do the dance on a sheet
of cold hard ice. Not me, no racing
heart or struggle to prevent the
fall, I’ll just fall. Then
ill laugh, then I will get back
on my feet and take another shot
from my whiskey flask, and look
were I’m going next time,
if any. |
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| December
16th 2006 Saturday. Just a little about Friday night....
I'll put up the rest of the stuff later |
New
Song in the Juke Box |
Poem by William
Fuentes
Persist was so passive
an unwavering.
Resist was so alluring
an undeniably sweet. |
~~~
|
Poem
By Sri Chinmoy
Persist, You will
succeed.
Resist, You will
succeed.
Smile, You will
succeed.
Cry, Lo, you have
already succeeded:
You have perfected
your love life.
You have manifested
the all mightiest Reality-Dream. |
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This Morning
I think about what I do
I look inside and think…
I will be respectful of
that…
But then I push. No. Instead,
I then pull.
There shirt rips at the
sleeve and I end up falling, horizontal,
into a brick wall made of water.
Then I wake up. No. Then
I fall to sleep, sleep to wakeing dreams.
Cause that as far as it’s
going to go. |
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Last night Dec 15th 2006
Friday.
I tried to dotty about my usual
manner of toasty-ness during these holly-days
of love and gift giving that I am so desperately
trying to make memorable. The last few years
before this one left me dry like a cheap Champaign
and kiss-less under a deadly missal toe. It
worked for a little while, now, it turned into
a vice. The booze; the booze turned into a
vice. At least it did today. So I stopped drinking
after my third shot and went home to my bed.
In my bed, in my head, was this
quote that was afloat over my thoughts about
the evening. “Persist, resist”.
This is dangerous, I think. This quote got
me into-and-then out-of a corner I painted
for one and myself accidentally.
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“Persist,
resist” The Header for her Blog; Jina Bloton.com. This
is where I first read this intriguing quote about eight months
ago. |
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| December
15th 2006 about Thursday night.... |
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Me and my Friend Mojito
Doug does the Mojito dance
My Mojito moves
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The bar was a mile
long |
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My peep likes to
eat |
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D'uh Jazz, food
and drinks were good |
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I was here but then was gone
I had almost had one two many
so I carried on...
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| December
14th 2006 ... About Last Night Wed. |
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Dialog 8:30pm
December 13 2006
in the bar by the pool table
William: “Hey
Julie, what is the name of that guy who
was yelling out Stella? Stella! In that
movie, Streetcar
named Desire, you know
that guy, what’s his name?"
Julie: “Huh?
What? What Movie? Oh wait…Huh?
Oh yeah, Rocky….?"
And I was sober when she said that...
 
Rocky Balboa and Marlon
Brando, to some people, are just old yellers...
Its a good thing
I decided not to drink today |
    
I slowed down with the devil juice today....
    
Talk to the hand
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Shes Landed |
I come in peace |
How |
Stop were you are |
Nanu-nanu... |
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKE
DJ Party Chip can spin a mean
Dorrito
 
Strawberries made me think
Rocky is Marlon Brando |
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| December
13th 2006 ... About last night Tuesday |
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2:30pm Growing
up and growing down and growing all around
I’m hung over today, time to
slow down William… anyway.
About life…its good…my
faith in people has some restoration
today…yes some of us do grow
up, learn and move forward. Take bold
steps, bite the bullet and suck it
up. Do what’s right with no ego,
pride and stubbornness to change what
is best. This is easer said than done,
but can be done. It takes a lot of
work to create simplicity, security,
safety and what makes you or/and your
loved ones happy.
3:15pm I’m
kind of dizzy right now.
Ok...Then there is
the unfortunate circumstance of kinds
of upbringings. Some of us getting
older and growing down with age, the
inner child takes over the old body.
Stubbornness, anger, frustration, taking
it out on those who are not the foundation
of what ails you. Trying to make enemies
from ones own simple juvenile demeanor.
What ever, thank the stars I know were
my back pain come from. Taking painkillers
don’t fix the problem. The problem
is what’s causing the pain, the
pain is not the problem, the slip
disc is the problem. The sliped disc
is causing the pain. Put the disc back
in place, the pain then stops, then
you don’t
need the painkillers anymore. Don’t
fix the disc, the pain continues and
then you need the painkiller? Get addicted
to the painkiller you will never address
the problem. The painkiller can be
called Alcohol.
5:15pm I
rarely come across people who see me almost
clearly, people who get me, who-right away,
gets a sense of what I am and not take
advantage of it. Alex-gets me, Pia-gets
me, Julie sometimes gets me but when I
say a joke she goes, huh? .A few other
as well who get me, but they don’t
like it. Don’t
like what they get, at least not right
away, but later regret it, that’s
funny.
5:28pm Sometimes
I cannot tell what kind of impression
I send out.
|
Pia Gets me
Alex belongs in the
AVE C Gang
 
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| December
12th 2006 ... Tuesday after noon. About the last Sunday
and Monday |
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Tuesday Lunch: Dragon
Roll |
 Tuesday 1:35pm
Oh my stars…. I’m
going back to all the drunk MySpace
messaging drunk dialing this weekend, and boy, was
I a bit of a drama queen, just a bit. I’m
a little embarrassed about some of the things
I wrote, not that much though, just a little.
I feel kind of silly about some of the people
I have been calculating my interaction with
these last few weeks. Those who I would think
would behave one way with me are not and
those I would think would be the other are
not as well, It’s all dazed and confused.
I’ve always said (written or whatever)
I have had this issue about putting my dukes
down when it comes to trusting. I put my guard
down, bam, I get hit in the nose by those I
would think would never, and then for sure,
get punched by those I think would do in second.
This might be true in some cases but lately
I can’t tell if the hit is necessary
and the understanding is needed or vise
versa.
|
Tuesday: Ok now about
the last Sunday and Monday
Sunday 2:00am
They are all sleeping. Something
about late night whatever late is…when
everyone around you is sleeping. You can feel
the calm, the rest of all; the residual sounds
and urgency of movement in the air are still.
It’s all settled. And then you start thinking,
about stuff. About how you starting to get a
clearer picture about some folks and vice versa.
Right now its cold outside.
Monday 1:00pm
It’s not that cold outside right now,
its cold but not bleeding like it has been for
the last week. I kind of loathe talking about
the weather, for almost any occasion, even on
an elevator ride with a neighbor you only see
once a month, but it’s the fervor in the
atmosphere that stirring my mood. I can see why
people around me are a bit irritated and annoyed;
it’s not good that it’s kind of warm
for December. Inconsistent temperature is bad
for your health; both physically and mentally.
One can get a little peeved about inconsistent
behavior with people, places and time of year.
Monday 4:00pm
I need a drink, no… I need a drink
of water.
Monday 5:15pm
Ok, I drank a lot of water…I feel better.
  
  
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Monday 7:20pm
Oh oh, I’m drinking, and its not
water. It’s the Holidays I'm drinking
damn it. Its ok I don’t normally
stay high on booze for three or four days
in a row, but right now I want to be a
little ho ho ho.
Monday 12:45pm
Pete brings home the win. GET IN THE HOLE
is good.
Monday/Tuesday 2:25am
Yes, I’m a little spinney, and now,
I’m going to sleep with my bed spins. |
Tuesday 1:35pm
Cute Sushi Lunch, Back to top of Dragon roll
entry. |
Dazed and Confused
Ok Now Im getting sober
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| December
9th 2006 Saturday MorningThen Night then Sun Morning. |
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If shes stays
cold ...
... Then You Stay Warm |
Choose
your influence, don’t let influence choose
you.
Saturday night: The influence of Alcohol,
how influential can it be?
10.23pm. Saturday,
Ketel One VODKA, already hammered. I
drunk dialed Julie, she wasn’t amused, so she
quickly, politely hung up on me; my peeps, my peeps.
We are who we are. We do what must be done or we let
our influences choose what must be done. Must, what
a funny word. I believe that there is some people out
there who are just like you but at the same time we
are all unique.
12:34pm Saturday. Ketel One
Vodka. Still drunk with my bro.
Still drunk Dialing people.
I said to Jason on
the Cell "King Kong
almost made me Cry" AwWww.
I drunk-dialed Sam, Jenny, Jason, Julie and Tina,
only Jason ( Mr
Method ) picked up,
somewhere at around 12ish:am. Jason
is good. Man, this is drunk, It’s not like
a whiskey high, this is Vodka high? Its different,
a whole different world, its more of an out of control
drunk, that’s
not a good thing or maybe it is? Is this what Masha discovered? I
drunk dial Masha, she picked up and was real sweet
with me, even after I woke her up out of a
slumber cause she has to work early Sunday morning,
she knows what Im feeling. I’m
so hammered right now, I am drinking on an almost near
empty stomach, almost, and I ate some ramen noodles.
I just drunk dialed Jay
Sullivan and Wiphey.com, she
was cool, she IM’d me this link of a movie that
freaked me out. Jay didn’t pick up, hes still
cool though, he MySpaced me. I think now I will drunken
dial Nell.
I drunk dialed Jenn,
Jay, Jessica and Jenny Chang. I left
a call back number for JC of 212-123-4567
to disguise my call cause I really wish I didn’t
call her, I new she wasnt going to pick up. I drunk
dialed Julie and
she’s
still ignoring me; my peep Julie. I drunk dialed Summertime and then
started leaving drunk dialed MySpace messages all over
my MySpace friend list. I think there might
be a trend here. Why William? Why the sudden blast
of alcoholic behavior? Cause lately it’s been
cold.
2ish:am People take
comfort in there misery. Its familiar, its what we
are use to, so we go to it, we live it, we handle are
selves in the way we are use too. Boy, Vodka is a really
strong up way to get drunk.
Taking new steps in your life is sometimes
scarier than living in the miserable maybe boring maybe
dead end life you have already. So you keep handling
your headache and hartaches the way you have been for
years even at the coast of a solution that might be
a brave-might-be seemingly a foolish one.
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| December
8th 2006 about last Thursday night and a little bit
this morning |
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This morning on the way.
Some person had their garden hose snap in the middle
of the night, so it made like a sprinkler landing on
their front gate and on the sidewalk. Needless to say,
the sidewalk, (which had a slight slope downward) made
like a toboggan ramp and the gate looked like something
out of the North Pole, it was kind of pretty so I took
a few shots of it before my battery died.
 Last night:
Was another one of my evenings of numbness
and dumbness. My lord and master Tom
Cruise wouldn’t
be to proud of me using booze and dancing Aki's as
a means to drown out my internal drama, this wouldn’t
be Scientology-esk-expectable, I don’t even think
Chuck Norris would like it ether, aw man.
Click
here for Tom Cruise Kills Oprah (.MOV file) |
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OH YES I DID. Im gonna
need permission for this one... Ill put it when Aki
gives me the OK for her momentary lose of drunken
dignity.
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After Mama food we went to or more
to the fact, got sucked into a place of Crowd B Kids
At least the felt is new |
  
Not to Crazy about in here... Crowd
B people, go figure.
But whatever... as long as I spent $35 dollers
on a round of waterd down drinks, Then it's all
good but bad.
|
Bad kid Crowd C goes back to
the club house to do bad kid Crowd C stuff... Like
Watch Rich Run for dear
life
as AJ, Ronnie, Pete and Mike
Laugh. |
 
And AKI Doing her Anti Tom
Cruise Dance
 
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Meat loaf Sweet-tates, Mac and Cheese
for me.
I was the only one who finished my
plate... 
Still eating
Mr Method kicking my ass...again 
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| December
6th 2006. About Last Tuesday Night. And a little this
morning. |
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Wednesday.
This Morning.
I was stopped by the sight of decapitated
wing on the road. Looks like an angel lost its wing
or had it ripped off.
With what was going through
my thoughts this morning and how was feeling, I will
take it as a sign. I cannot fly or I need to accept
it as a dead issue or something gothic and tragic.
Ether way, I feel poignant inside about things that
are kind of minor kind of old and kind of sad. I
know the right thing to do is to just let it sit
and marinate. I’m not waiting for
anything or anyone nor do I expect anything ether.
But the letting sit thing still makes me crazy. It
really sucks when you find someone one or finds
you and who gets you and who you get and still feels
alone. All I’m
doing is drinking and getting numb and living day
to day until all the little things drown out and
fad away.
Tuesday last night
Here is some more of my
way out there rational APA things…
Imagine, playing a bunch
of game winning a bunch then losing a bunch then
winning a bunch then losing a bunch and so on and
so on and so on. How much emotion can one apply on
this kind of repetitiveness? Me? Not much, at least
not anymore. Maybe a few years ago I would’ve
complained, but now it looks more to me like, whatever.
I played Peter for the umpteenth already during my
years on the APA, more than two times already if you
want to know. I like Peter, he makes low percentage
shots look high percentage. Four rail shots on the
eight and then gets it in the hole deserves respect,
at least from me. I used to get yelled at and then
criticized by Peter Chang for shooting like that even
after I got it in the hole. Some people call it crazy,
some people call it luck, whatever, call it what you
want. I will call it respect the man for doing what
he likes to do on the table and make it work for him.
Stick it did well yesterday, we stuck it out with a
little mercy on the other teams part. I drank to get
Dumb again I ate sushi and played pool. |
 
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G Money Bunny
Brings it home
for the Win
 
Gumb
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Sushi time ...
icebrrrg
Slap it ...
Bill slapped it in the hole
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| December
3rd, 4th 5th 2006 Sunday. Monday Morning and then Monday
Night |
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9:am.
Monday.
I really don’t
like talking about the weather, but in this case I
will make exception. As some of you already know …
I
live in a Van down by the river. So it
was cold this morning, 34 degrees. 67 degrees three
days ago, 34 this morning. Hello December. |
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Sunday. Its only way uptown is were
you would find
Makers
Mark for $20-bucks a bottle. This shots for
you Kong.
MakersMark.com
I liked the part when King
Kong was bashing around all the seats and dumb Asses
in the theater. Then I changed the Channel cause
I new what was coming. |
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Sunday, Laundry and Lunch |
Saturday Night...
 Les Miserable King Kong
Nothing wacky just stood home for
a safe and almost completely sober peaceful evening.
King Kong was on the tube, so I watched it. But stopped
watching it at the parts when they beat him up and
then shipped that poor Guy (Kong) to NYC, where he
committed suicide. Kong was a lonely depressed being,
with all of his loved ones, family and friends long
dead. He lived in a world were everything around him
was deadly, and the creatures living around him wouldn’t
think twice about taking his life if it meant getting
something from him. Though he was born in the jungle
it does not make life for him any easier. All he had
was the beauty of the Vanilla and gold sunset. He was
brutally kidnapped to entertain and be exploited too
shallow NY-kers in a stage theater. He at some point
in his capture realized, there was no way to get back
home to his already Les Miserable life, or he was just
fed up with life already. Yeah I might consider jumping
off a building as well if I was living like the King;
Kong that is. That movie almost made me cry the first
time I saw it, as campy as it was. |
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| December
2nd 2006 ...Saturday. About
last Friday night... |
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I can barely remember
any of this shit...
And I know it had to do with
Ms Jameson
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I drank, I almost blacked out…almost,
I was safe though, I was with peeps, and it was
fun.
Crash for the shot
 Anyway
I did a quick stalking of that
feisty one. I wanted to say happy
birthday ... so Happy Birthday
So I gave her a little monkey
and went on my way.
I noticed the less days I
drink the quicker I get drunk when
I do drink. It’s all good. Even
though I cant remember most of the night. |
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| December
2nd 2006 ...Saturday. About Last Wed & Thursday nights... |
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| November
29th about Last Monday and Tuesday |
|
 
 
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Monday Team Get In the Hole
Tuesday Team Stick It In
    
 
 
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Mad gangtsa-moves |
D'uh Gankyest-gangta. John
Smith |
 
 
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Mad Thug Moves |
Yumi Gangsta |
 
 
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My Scarf. My best freind. |
Joolie's Bootie and Aki |
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