moon phases

June 2004

Six months into the year 2004 WoW!!!
Time flys when your keeping track
Dec 03
May 1 | 2
July 1 | 2
Aug 1 | 2
Sept 1 | 2

June /29/30/ 2004: Tues/Wed

First thing I see outside my home...

Giant wishes I cant get too. Because of a fence...What does it mean baby...

Got To July 2004



June 28 2004: Monday


Bar 81-Royal Rumble

Round one
Rachel was growling yesterday at her opponent for calling a technicality on her. The technicality was almost embarrassing. Rachel does not hold it in. Rachel is hard-core. I thought I had a short fuse. Its ok, She won anyway. Karma baby.
lay down the law
First day being the captain of Rumble fish. Nobody showed up but me for the first hour. Then most of the team started to circulate in after the first hour was past. I was so heated, I thought I was the only one going to be their. When I was captain I would get on the team for not showing up on time is like, oh well if you don’t show up you don’t play, if you cant pay ya-cant play. If ya-want to leave early then fucken leave. If ya start demanding play me first or else I will leave oh well, bye…Lets see who want to stay and who want to go. I am opt to back her up all the way. I will stay till the end.
Brian came to visit, its Brains last day on the team. Brian will always be a Rumble Fish no matter were he will play in the USA; watch out team whatever, here come Bronco Brian.

Any comments? | Guest Book | spencers APA Standings


June 28 2004: Monday 2:44pm

Song of the day :Tears for Fears
Whats its all about: weeping willow

Trust within two people devoted to each other is the most fundamental ingredient necessary for two people to live together with assurance and commitment. Just as trust is the foundation of your relationship with your statue (your self), you must also have trust for the person that you are committed to in your whatsoever life. When trust has been violated in a relationship, you begin to question the basis of your partner’s commitment and their promises to you on every level. Without a dramatic change in this trend the entire relationship is in jeopardy.

There are many behaviors that can destroy trust in a friendship, boy friend, girl friend or whatever relationship. A breach of trust can result from being caught in a lie or a series of deceptive actions, by breaking commitments, flirting with another person, or from engaging in a seemingly/ pre meditated adulterous relationship. If any of these offenses have occurred in your marriage the confidence between you and your spouse will be shattered.
If your relationship with your special other is to survive, trust must be restored, and a new relationship must be established. But you may be wondering, is this realistically possible?

Honest Admission. Restoring trust I like to think would be an honest confession by the offending other half, concerning the displeasure that has occurred. Truthfulness is always the first step in all reconciliation. Don’t talk shit be honest or else.
Only when a person becomes completely honest about the facts of an offense will the declaration of guilt and bad behavior be treated as sincere. An honest answer is like a gift or an offering. However, continued deceit is like slapping your other in the face.
If you tell half-truths or doctor information to make yourself appear innocent, and your other finds out later that you’ve lied, it will be as if you had done the same shit all over again.

Modesty. Your attitude when you come clean is just as important. If you try and justify yourself and shift the blame to your other, you will set up an immediate roadblock to reconciliation. You need a healthy dose of humbleness if you ever expect to receive your others forgiveness. You must understand that your arrogance is one of the fundamental reasons your relationship has deteriorated in the first place. Begin by being honest.
Be submissive to one another without looking like a punk, and be clothed with an unassuming nature, because people ether resists or embrace the conceited ether way it’s trouble.



June 24 2004: Thursday

What you see is what you get

Your immediate reaction to an action taken against you has it repercussions. This is who you are. This is what you are made of. This is what you are ask to see what is it you want to be and who you should be and what you are right now. I’m not going to beat my own drum, or say what things should be. What you amount too is what you have done for free. What you make out of it is your own creation. I remember my first kiss star shooting across the sky to come as such a place as this you never left my mind.

Guest Book | Spencers APA Standings | Rumblefish Team Schedual summer 2004


June 24 2004: Tues/Wed

Just the vacant apartment...

Click or Double click any image to enlarge

Any comments? | Guest Book | spencers APA Standings


Monday June 21 2004

Pictures of you
A new Home

From: Andy Trafford
Sent: Monday, June 21, 2004 3:15 PM
To: Me and many other APA players
> The following was sent ot me today...
> Subject: Proposed APA rule change
> As you may be aware, current APA rules regarding the ranking of new players are different for men and women. We believe that proficiency at pool has nothing to do with gender and that such discriminatory rules should be abolished.
In order to encourage the APA to revise the current rules, we have created an online petition that can be accessed at

Douglas is like the David Bowie of the APA, He shot like a rock star when he played against George.

From: William Fuentes
> Sent: Tuesday, June 22, 2004 3:22 PM
> To: Attkisson, Anna - Media Sales and Marketing and Andy Trafford
> Cc:
> Subject: Re: FW: Proposed APA rule change
Hello Andy Trafford
Let me ask you a question.
In our current NYC amateur bar league APA community (not that there is a professional bar league), do you know of any Women SL-7 players? Has there ever been any at any time since the NYC APA bar league started? And do you know of any Women APA bar league Players who should be a SL-7? Heather Hatt and Jennifer Beretta are two that I know of that are ranked as a SL6. I hear Jennifer Beretta is now considered an Open player for the professional Tri States Pool league I could be wrong, but if I am not, then does this mean she almost does not qualify to play in an amateur bar league? Unless she is willing to come in as a SL-7. And isn’t the president of the APA a women? Are you saying the President of the APA is discriminating against her self or just doesn’t know what she is doing? I am sure you are not the only one who has approached her with this why the flexibility for lady pool players issue. Maybe the ranking difference is for demographic reasons. I mean there are more male players then female players in the NYC APA, right? So maybe its not discrinatory, maybe it’s a predisposed reason. Maybe it an incentive reason as well. Remember the bar league is there to generate money for bars on Monday and Tuesday night. When the genders become equal in a the sense of the NYC APA population; meaning, 500 women players and 500 men players then the SL issue can be considered with a better grounds. Right now how many teams do you know of with more women on it than men? I am all for equality but in my experience in the APA so far, I have an easier time getting a girl on my team by telling her she only has to win two games and her male opponent has to get three. Aside from the fact I will by her a beer.
Another point of View. Not written by me
I don’t see a problem with ratings equality between the sexes. The way I understand it, all new players would start with the same rating (whether that would be SL 3 or 4 is unclear). Being that results would soon move players to their proper rating, I don’t see that as a major issue. I presume that the system would also be changed whereby males could be ranked as SL 2 or that level would be eliminated and SL3 would be the lowest rating possible for anyone – I believe the first alternative to be superior to the latter.
Consider, A male can sandbag himself into a SL-2. And if that happens, what kind of fight do think can break out in a drunken bar match? This Unbalanced SL issue can be filtering the sandbagging issues. Beer can make every body SL even on some matches. I have seen and read APA bar commercial advertising the Beer drinking dude playing the ditsy blond who cant hold the pool stick correctly but the Blond still wins.
For every ten males the are SL 5 then there should be every two female rated SL 5 in order to confirm yes the skill are equal now being for every 5 boys there is one girl on the APA.

The Reply

From Anna
Believe me, I am aware of the fact that this is a divisive issue. Yes, I do know a
female 7, but no, she doesn't play in Manhattan. She's from upstate. God help me,
but I can't remember her name. I know of several female SL6s, my Monday night
captain Ellen Weinberg being one.
If Jennifer Beretta is semi-pro it just seems to illustrate my point that there
should be equality. If she isn't a 7, wouldn't you agree that she should be? If we
start at a different place than it seems to me to follow that we would never reach
true equality, making it that much more difficult for any good or great female
player to gain the respect they deserve.
Whether the APA on a national basis intends to discriminate or not, I believe that
is the effective result of the disparity between men and women players. The
president of the APA may not believe she is discriminating, but I believe she is.
The authors of this petition did contact the national level about this problem and
were quoted back the rule book along with some stats about 78% of female players
being SL3s and below and 60% of male players being SL4s and above. These seem to me
to be fairly self-serving stats. If women start as 3s and men as 4s, of course the
numbers will vary. I do not discount the possibility that they may be accurate, but
I'd like to see the actual study for myself.
I believe that starting women off lower than men, adds to both men and women's
general perception that women cannot strive to be better because their cause is
hopeless, cause they'll never be as good as a man. This plants the seed of
discrimination as men and women enter the league, which is surprising to me in this
day and age.
A couple of things that this change would require... I believe the 23 rules would
have to change to a 24 rule (if everyone started as a 4 instead of a 3); and that
men should be able to be SL2s. Believe me I've met some and if they were on my team
I would certainly want them to be ranked appropriately.

Hope this answers your questions.


June 21 2004: Monday
Any comments? |


June 20 2004: Sunday

Song of the day its your B-day
Whats its all about: ??????

Happy Birthday to me Happy Birthday to me Happy Birthday dear WilliamHappy birthday to me. Happy Birthday My brother Anthony and Happy Fathers day Anthony and to my Grand Mother who was also my father pretty much made me who I am today and to my Mom also being a father as well. As for my dad? Well, good luck trying to find out what a father to william is like because you blew your chance buddy.

April eats my Birthday Sandwich with me...

Any comments? |



Say Hi to Doris

I learned something about the center of attention on your game. On Friday I went to the pool hall and I had this sharp pain going through out my spinal cord and body, it took away critical elements of my game stroke, I am jumping up to soon because I can only stay down for five seconds before the pain starts to settle in, before I go down on my shot I think about is this going to hurt my back? My thinking is limited because I worry about my back. I was losing to everybody I even lost to xxxxxtoria (my two) Normally I should be thinking about making the ball. I felt so stupid. I wanted to play so bad and I should have just went home to rest. The last six months I break and run the tables now I can barley make a single ball without something in my head called UN conscious spot attention disarray. My doctor told me this happens mostly with athletes after getting over a serous injury. For example if a soccer player accidentally dislocates his neck in a field match and then he does the essentials of healing so he can play again one day, even though he is all healed he has the fear of hurting himself again, so now he is only on half his game because instead of his focus being on his game it is on the fear of his neck getting broken again, so now he plays more careful. My game is this now; before I get down on my shot I consider my lower back before I consider anything else involving the shot. I was not doing this before but I am doing it now; this is bad. I am not focusing and it is frustrating me. I must rest and get the confidence in my physicality I had once before. The APA is labeling me as a five and I need to be a five on xxxxxtoria’s team; I don’t want to be a burden to Rumble Fish.

Any comments?


June 18 2004: Friday 1:44pm

Song of the day :
Whats its all about: panties in a bunch

The Inner Game of Tennis |

Close Call My faith has been restored in my half-ass new life style of the Zazen practice. I was starting to get this numb dumb feeling the more I acclimated the ideas and ways of Zen my life and mostly my pool game. I was about to quite it and go back to my old what xxxxxtoria calls “Clare Dane ways” until I came across something written in this book I am reading titled The Inner Game of Tennis by Timothy Gallwey.

Here are few things written that kinda gave me a new out look on handling the unexpected result in my reconstructing attitude toward life, my existence and mostly for my pool game.

“ Calmness does not mean lack of concern; it means the ability to separate the real from the unreal and thereby to take sensible action.”

“ Judgment is the act of assigning a negative or positive value to an event”“ The initial act of judgment provokes the thinking process”

“ Man is a thinking reed but his great works are done when he is not calculating and thinking. Childlikeness has to be restored with long years of TRANING in self-forgetfulness.”

“Great music and art are said to arise from the quiet depths of the unconscious.”

I was getting a little nervous about my calm serine attitude towards people places and things. I wasn’t having any motivation to do anything but just stare with out judgment, what the fuck are you suppose to do then? Nothing? Ill just keep the Zen thing on the table. and off my art work and wrting. ill keep the fire burning there.

Tim Gallwey
Tim Gallwey attended Harvard University where he majored in English Literature and captained the tennis team. He served as an officer in the US Navy and was one of the founders of a liberal arts college in the Midwest. Starting in the mid 1970's Tim Gallwey produced a series of best selling books, which set forth a new methodology for the development of personal and professional excellence in a variety of fields.


For the last twenty years Gallwey has been introducing the Inner Game approach to corporations looking for better ways to manage change. Through lectures, consulting, and seminars, his focus has been directed at three targets, 1) helping all individuals in a company learn how to learn, and think for themselves, 2) helping managers learn how to coach, 3) helping leaders learn to create "learning organizations." His long-term clients have included AT&T, IBM, Arco, Anheuser Busch, Apple Computer, and The Coca-Cola Company. His newest professional interest is helping people who work in teams to learn how to work together more effectively.

High School Fun
My nephew was telling me he is going to enter his first year of high school soon, so he was asking me what it was like back in the olden days, I told him everything was in black and white and I made sure the apple didn’t have a worm in it. I forgot to mention to him the fun and not so fun parts. Hormones, homework and hooky, the three “H’s” one cant really avoid during the growing process in High school. One of my not so favorite part of high school was the “he say she say thing”. “ Fix me up on a date thing” “are they getting hooked up thing”, “ he said then she said”, “ but I heard you said that she said that he said to her and then he said to him the she said he said,” or my favorite “I’m not the only one who thinks so but I wont say who else said it because I don’t want to start any trouble.” these were my fun days. Looking back and thinking, wow did I really behave that way for the sake of what ever, who ever, when ever, how ever or even simply to be just dumb and immature. What is immature? Lets find out.

I am so glad I am not immature anymore. “AaAawooOOoOowwaaAaOOooOoo” give me my cookies...oh sorry.

A William fact: Did you know that the Mtv cartoon Daria was based on my freshman year collage class. Not the character Daria but Darias class mates and best freind and sister.

Any comments? | Guest Book | spencers APA Standings


Any comments?


June 17 2004: Thursday 3:21pm

Song of the day : Love Song
Whats its all about: who knows
About yesterday night and a little today

Yesterday this dude…
He was saying why he lost his game to his opponent or why his opponent won the race. Never had a good line, he gave me bad leaves blah-blah-blah. I personally don’t hold on to my wins and losses; or least I try not too. I think I have said and written this more than once already in the last 12 months. Hitting your self for losing or patting your self on the back for winning doesn’t help anything but your ego, and ego should not be your drive for a game. And besides, don’t you know your win only last as long as you next challenge. So why hang on to it like a tonic? Some guys treat a win like it’s a heroin drug fix. Your win wears off and its out for another score again.
George was telling me during the cab ride home he feels bad playing people he gets along with; dido for me-sometimes. I was watching him shoot at the 9ball-E-bar thing and I can tell he was more on his “D -” Game than anything. He was having fun anyway. I think I have written before that not giving some one your game is an insult to your opponent and bad karma but what if stroking your ego is not your intention? Or the whole fear of not being liked or the whole being resented by your opponent is in the back of your head thing?
Some people would rather be amused
Communication can sometimes be a tense volley. How you handle it is up to you. If you are told something you don’t like to here or some one insinuates something about you or something is said to you that you feel is not true weather it be about you or someone you know, your response can be a key indication of how you are feeling or who you are at the moment or indefinitely. Fishing for reaction or compliments or insults can be a dangerous thing. I notice I fish a lot, I need to stop. I feel like my motherboard is cracked in a vital spot and I have to modify it to function normal again. The back thing has effected my perception. I feel like I am going backwards. It might be my discovering the whole new numb feelings I have attained since my Zazen practices. I might have looked into it to deeply and now I am all screwed up inside my head. Feeling can be fire sometimes and I need my fire. I went from William Shatener to Mr. Spok, now it’s all about Bones Mc Coy; spinal bones, why is this happening to me.

Say hello to Susan

Anatomy of a Shark
by Jay Wegener
The first thing that pops to mind when a pool player hears "shark" is hustler, but this column is concerned with the other pool-related type of shark.
Definition: Shark: The movement, words or occurrences, intentional or not, that cause an a pool player to miss a shot.
Being sharked has to do with the shooter losing concentration, an interruption of the shooting routine or breaking the shooter’s rhythm. Just what is this phenomenon? What can be done to counter it?
The OBVIOUS Shark: This is the one that people normally talk about as to why the shot was missed. We’ve all seen it and, to be honest, most of us have probably done it at one time or another in our pool-playing life. The most famous and most often-used shark is standing in the shooter’s line of sight. Of course, the sharker doesn’t just stand there quietly. He (or she) may chalk his (or her) cue, bounce it on its rubber butt-guard, twirl it like a baton, shuffle his (or her) feet, drink a beverage, talk with his hands, etc. The point is, some kind of motion is made in the shooter’s line of sight in order to diminish his concentration level and produce a missed shot. This type of shark is what I call a physical shark, a movement shark. It will always occur in the shooter’s line of sight. In the same vein are the:
1.Get out the money shark. The shooter is on the money ball and the sharker takes the money out to pay off the potential loss.
2.Quick turn - something’s wrong shark. The sharker makes a sudden move just before the shooter’s last stroke.
3.Breaking down the cue shark. The shooter is on the set-winning run out and the run looks so obvious that the sharker breaks down his cue. More?

Some relevant links and other for your game | |

I was reading on
Jay Wegener stuff on Sharking and I don’t agree with it entirely. It used to bother me when the opponent does jerky things before or during my shots but now I don’t even notice anymore. Everything around the table almost vanishes when I am on my shot or shooting. If I am not mistaken I think there are rules in the professional game of billiards that won’t allow those kinds of behavior anyway with out it turning into a technical lose.

It's 4:08 now I feel funny.

Any comments?


Wed June 16 2004

About Tuesday the 15 Late Night


Click any image To enlarge

Any comments?
Click any image To enlarge


Lucky Dog Willy

It's not often I get to hug Venus

Any comments?


Nice Rack

I didn’t play on Monday and I didn’t play on Tuesday.
I have been out of it for week’s time to come back. Hopefully I will be as good as new next week. Gota do my drills or else. Practice makes game and game is the only thing ya-better have if ya-want the peeps to look up ta-ya for the point. I was watching my new team shoot and they look different. They look good.
Dishing it out but cant take it.
If ya-gona give it ya-better learn how to take it. Before I started my Zazen practices I was a tit for tat kinda guy. Ya call me a name I’m-gona-call you a name but only after I give ya a warning not to do it again. If you are to hard headed a person to take the warning seriously than prepare for a big long one in your ass. I am a little different about it now, I don’t like looking like an ass hole so if ya-tit me and force me to tat-ya than you are also forcing me to look like an ass hole. So I will just basically ignore you or just simply ask what do you mean? It’s not about being sensitive it’s about respect. Throwing personal things in each other face is disrespectful. If ya-want my respect ya-better give me respect or your just not going to get anything from me; not even a reaction. An emotional out burst is amusing but mostly embarrassing, sometimes you need to experience this though from time to time just to be reminded of what it can do to ya.
What is your inner child?
Our personalities emerge as a result of our DNA (inherited characteristics) - and the environment in which we have 'come in' to experience and grow.
Childhood programming - that will last us for most of our lives - begins from the moment of birth - when the soul enters the physical body.
Metaphysically speaking - we are also influenced by past and parallel lives - karma and karmic debts - as well as spiritual missions and connections to Entities in other realms.
Some links | | |
I am not into organized religion.
My mother’s side of the family grew up with the entire saint worshiping stuff and all the god worship stuff but I am not into that at all. Organized religion is not good, especially coming from vague sources like human beings. But I do have my own religion. Karma and Zen is part of it and the phycology of childhood blue printing is also a strong part of my beliefs.

Horses Head
I woke up the other morning and was in a good mood.
After my morning rituals I went to the train station and bump into my buddy “D” he was reading the newspaper and showed me the most disturbing news.
Some one had left an American air bomb in the middle of the street in my neighborhood. It was a dude, but the fact that it was placed in the middle of the street in the middle of the night while we were all sleeping creeped me out. I told some of my buddies later that day and they all laugh at the fact that it was a dud. What a bunch of morons. The fact that it was a dead bomb is not the point. My grand father told me once about an old Sicilian way of telling some one the end is near. By placing a dead horses head next to you in your bed while your sleeping. The incident was hushed up and written off as a joke by the media.

Any comments? | Click image To enlarge


Wed June 16 2004

ERIC and his team are GONG TO VEGAS


What am I doing wrong????

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June 15 2004: Monday 1:00pm

song of the day: Hands all Over
Whats its all about: My team



RumbleFish summer 2004



The match game...

Here is the problem with one of your players demanding to play first for whatever reason. The rest of the team players are now compromised with there anticipated proper match ups. If you have one player consistently telling you “play me first or else I will leave”. Then you are presented with making an inflexible decision. You’re rotating your team around one match and one player. You need three points to win the match, and some times you need five points to stay in it to win the gold. If your coming against a team you are familiar with and you already know which of your players will play best against the other captains players then the coin toss is critical. If you lose the coin toss and the other captain makes you put first you become some-what vulnerable. Why?

One. If you put a level six, that six is likely going to play an opponent with a handicap advantage, for example a level two or three or four. The race is now 5 to 2 or 5 to 3, your level six player needs five matches and the level three or two needs two matches to win his or hers race and if your playing a underrated level four it’s still tuff for the level six. This is risky and UN necessary. If your Six wins the match, that win off of his or hers opponent could have been another teammates win. Winning one point could result in losing three points.

Guest Book | Spencers APA Standings | Rumblefish Team Schedual summer 2004


Adam And George

George tells me his team (WYSIWYG) lost the City-match-finals that happened on sunday to a team they beat earlier in the season. The wild card team.

It's an old song George, Its an old song.

Any comments?


Sunday June 13 2004

Team WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) is playing right now Good Luck
About Time....perhaps another Samuria In the making? Click images to make Bigger


June 12 2004: Saturday

Song of the day :MeeAaYyAAAaaaA
Whats its all about: Why George?

Team WYSIWYG (what you see is what you get) The Winner round one
Any comments?


June 11 2004: Friday 2:44pm

Song of the day : Space Samuria
Whats its all about: Discipline

Click image to enlarge

Lost a little Faith, just a little

I was reading, then finally, I found something in this book I don’t agree with; It was disturbing, almost kinda stupid. I wish I could play pool today. But I think I would reinjure myself if I did; i think. What ever. My head is so spaced out right now I dont what the heck is going on. I think today is the official center of the year 2004; the begining of the downward spirile.

I have this dipping feeling.

Like I am about to be presented with a problem I already know the answer too. Well too bad for the that, at this point in my current health right now I feel so irritated with it I don’t want to be bothered with anything. I am as angry as I am impatient; youth go figure. My back is still killing me, what the fuck is going on. Some dude told me this is the month of the bad back; moons and stars and shit.

I don’t know to much about it but I do know right now I cant even go down on my shot and its bugging the hell out of me. I have not played for a week, not even practice strokes; grrrrrrrr. I’ll call Aaron and see what he is doing. Boy my head is spinning.

Any comments? | Guest Book | spencers APA Standings


June 11 2004: Friday 2:44pm
Any comments? |


Thursday June 10 2004 4:34pm

Undulating Spine Stretch Purpose
This exercise is one in a series designed to relieve stress and tension from the middle of your shoulders and the nape of the neck. By contracting and stretching these areas tension is released from the whole body.

Spinal Column.
Five days on my back. A lot of moments of interesting reflections happen when you’re trying to deal with a constant whit-hot-stabbing pain going up and down your lower vertebrae. Cabin Fever, the biggest enemy so far. As I lay on my back immobilized I torture myself a little more in front of my old fashioned TV watching young sultry guys and gals bend and wiggle there spinal cords to Spanish and rap Reggie music on MTV, I wonder what’s going on in the out side world. Lets make it clear I am not feeling sorry for my self, eventually I will be back to my normal mailbox jumping self but I am still a little frustrated. Last Friday night is when this fun began, and Thursday morning is when I finally walk outside to go to work. During my five days of madness and worry, I-of-course miss two parties an APA match and have my feeling stepped on over the phone for a laugh.
My pool game is Slow?
I’m learning a few things concerning my pool game. A minute of suspense can seem like an eternity, another reason why I practice to improve. If I am going to play pool why not try and be the best you can be? Pool can offer a lot of information about your self, about who you are. Like any other craft, sport or game as you try to excel you ask your self-questions that need to be answered honestly so you can reach new or different levels. Personally I try my best to have an awareness of what is involved and what is going on around, during, before and after my shot.
The most current question that came up while I was on my back. Am I practicing and doing drills to improve or to impress? Am I shooting pool to try and influence and inspire? Some of these things seem egocentric. Of recent a few people said to me concerning my game I shoot slow. Of course I don’t believe this exactly to be true being the last two seasons my APA matches have lasted no more that 10 to 12 minutes long also mentioning a consistently of break and runs every other week; I am not gloating but I am happy with the fruits of my labor. Like a said before, a minute of suspense can seem like an eternity.
Hitting a nerve, but not in the way you think.
I telegraph my movements on the table and that can be very annoying to my opponent. I know what slow is, I am not slow. She said my game was slow and I responded with a doofy verbal defense “yes my game is a bit un-orthodox”; she called me a dork afterword and we bothed laughed. I was caught off guard when she said that to me being we both started at the same level on the APA almost at the same time. But really I was disappointed and enlighten by the fact that she will never be influenced or inspired by my game.

Herniated Head Though I was hoping on some sub conscious level but I know it will never happen. Oh well, not my lose. She has been shooting pool longer than I have, I know this, she told me. Part of why my game is the way it is now is because I watched her shoot and make the ball. She had some influence on my game to bad it wont happen the other way around. The nerves in my back are screaming right now and so are the nerves in my head as well. What ever.

Any comments?


Say hello to leslie...

leslie works with me at my job

I love my job....

Any comments?


June 8 2004: Tuesday 7:44pm

Song of the day :williams game is sloe
Whats its all about: William is wack...


Sorry about the resent tardiness on my site. For the last three four days I have been immobile in my bed with not one but “two” herniated disk.
But not to woory I have much to say very soon. So in the mean time I will leave you with a very sincere. Ouch the pain….

Any comments?


June 4/5 2004: Fri/Sat

Song of the day : Purple pain
Whats its all about: Williams Back

I am a little irritated.
I shouldn’t be according to my new Zazen practices, but I am, I guess I am still learning. One. I just don’t get people sometimes. Every time I let my guard down and put trust and faith in some ones word I get slapped in the face, home work, personal, all of it. I went to BBC and waited for my party too shoot with me at 6:30 I waited and played. If there were a trophy for the best game for a guy who plays alone I would be the NYC champion. I finished at 9:00pm I was alone. Even though I sort of expected nobody to show up I was still hoping. The whole time I was waiting for my party to show up my spinal cord was just getting worse. I logged out with a throbbing pain in my lower back and one in my head. Just as I was about to leave Aaron walked in and we went to eat. On the way to the burger joint he asked were is xxxxx? I said I don’t know? I thought she was going to meet me at BBC and we were going to shoot. I guess she got board with shooting being she started at 3:00 pm in the afternoon.
Aaron and me ate like racehorses at "Ps" burger joint. Then after the food we shot pool for a few hours with bellies full of meat and potatoes. The irritation didn’t start with me getting stood up today, it actually started when my back got thrown out; Sunday night. My game is affected because of this old injury and now my attitude is as well, I am thinking thought’s I shouldn’t be thinking, but like a wounded animal I am very angry I cannot escape this pain. This is one of the many things irritating me, my back is getting better but it first has to get worse. Today was the worse and tomorrow it will not be any better.
From one pain to the next
Today I got news I wont see my new check until the fiscal year is up. I thought it was June 6th, now I heard I was July 15th, dam, what a pain in the neck that is; and a pain in the wallet as well. Today xxxxx “unintentionally” embarrasses me to her friend’s at her job and plays a personal message I gave to her. “AaAawooOOoOowwaaAaOOooOoo” First the news about my raise then I get stood up and then my pool game is sluggish because of my brain stem being connected to my injured spinal cord. On top of that, Adam told me he was going to drive me home after I waited like a dick head for him. I waited for him for an hour then at the last second I get a phone message from him that he is not going to pick me up for personal reason, Sorry William, maybe next time.


Purple Pain. Looking at the bright side
What is the meaning of this? Things can be worse. The moon is waning though. And William does not like to shoot under a waning moon. And my back is getting better, it could be worse; it could not be getting better. But this is karma I guess I maybe this is some sign to stay home for a change.

Any comments?


I like to play pool

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T. P. A. D (Transitional Pool table Adaptation Disorder)

Friday June 4 2004 4:00pm

My back...ouch...

Transitions…The Big and Small
Weather its from the bar table to the pool hall table or a tight pocket table to a regular pocket table, concidering the transitions is key. To make the transition as short as possible. Respect everything equally and enjoy the privileges and the givens from your developed experiences from each aspect of the game of pool. Provided you have given equal time for everything. Knowledge; One thing doesn’t make you better for the other it just makes it new.

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June 3 2004: Thursday 2:44pm

Song of the day : Love Song
Whats its all about: Alexa loves her Sushi
About yesterday night and a little today

It’s amazing how some people wont change.
There are some guys I know who have a short memory span problem, always repeating the same things over and over again. Then there are some people I know who do remember very well current events but not in the right order. Then there are those who are in complete denial of what is happening in front of them.

Reason, justifies the methods but doesn’t excuse you for your actions.

Not that I am making and excuse for anyone. I mean, you must take responsibility for your actions no matter what your intentions are. Today I was reminded of something very important. Do not judge a book bye its cover. I found a little sleazy book on the street I picked it up and when I opened it was a tragic romance novel.

The first page was dirty with visuals. It started with my stupid comment about how yummy it looks and then the book followed with dirty visuals. The pages went on with a few of the Ten Commandments being broken but then there was this line on the page that gave the whole reason why this book is so dirty. It did not matter how dirty or how graphic the pages became after that. The reason for it was romantic and tragic. Fear was the primary reason for this lode and crude writings but I suspect it is also abuse.

I was almost tempted to read it further but I feared I didn’t have the means to follow through with it all the ways. I feared I did not have the strength to stay with it till the end, I mean for what? Who am I to judge? I am not a monk or a priest to help those who are lost or holding up a sword to everything around them. Is there a reward for this? Should there be? Then again there is also regret.
William And Brian at the Grand Saloon, butt burger time  
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June 2 2004: Wednesday 1:00am

song of the day: C'mon C'mon
Whats its all about: my spinal cord,, oh the pain!!
About the weekend (Sam is really taller than me)
June 2 About May 30th 2004
So we all drove to Alex’s place in a fast car, it was I, Ronnie Michelle and her friend for a little movie, drink, smoke and pool table time. Weeeeeeee-Fun-two hot girls in a fast car or to fast girls in a hot car. So-so-New-York. So-so-not-Sunday. I thought I was going to do laundry.

Detachable Penis
Went to the pool hall with my bad back and watched Douglas shoot a money game on the tightest pocket table in NYC. I left before it was over; the pain in my back was getting worse. I almost cant feel my legs, I am so sexless today, I feel like I left my penis at home in the refrigerator.
Somebody asked me again about PJ Harvey at the knitting Factory
I missed PJ Harvey. I suck I know. I just didn’t feel like being on rock mode on Monday. Whatever.
I am sitting here letting things come to me and it’s driving me nuts.
E-bar is full of dudes right now, uhg.
June 2 talking about June 1 2004 8:30pm
Amazing. I have so little to say right now. Can it be? Six months of Drama and then numbness? Dryness? Boredom? I am not one to repeat the same trauma again. So much is happening and I have nothing to say about it. Six month’s of the year has already gone by. It’s seems like I don’t care. But I do. Boy this Zen thing sure is uninspiring. I remember every thing counted for something as long as I had a strong opinion about it. I can never go back to the way I was. I know too much for that person anymore. Lets pretend I have something interesting to say about work. This morning I woke up with a devil of a lower backache; more like a spinal injury, my Back is so bad, I almost can’t walk. Call Jerry Lewis he’s got a new kid in town. I managed to make it to work, barely. I spoke to xxxxx as usual then we got into a little bit of a sniffle, as usual. She hung up on me as usual. Whatever. Like I said before, things are different know.
The goddess like beautiful creature Sam walked in to do her spell in of E bar. She threw magical cubes of love at me when I mentioned her godessness’. Suddenly everything was ok.

I was so happy I started to play Mike (APA No: 13) some pool. He was whipping me around like a farmer would a five-dollar mule late night in the barn; with hickory stick and the whole nine. Bye the time it was over, like a red neck, I was calling him “paw”.
Any comments?


June 1 2004: Tuesday 3:00am

Song of the day: Bandages-Hot Hot Heat
Whats its all about:
About the weekend

Talking about last Friday May 2004
Ever since I started to put into practice Zen with myself and others and stop being so judgmental toward people, I don’t have much to say these days. Every man must make his own decision even if you think they are making a mistake; there is a reason for everything. I don’t take insults and sassiness to personal from anybody with projected issues any more. When I did take it personal in my younger past perhaps I needed too take it personal, perhaps so I can have a foundation for my self-assurance, of whom I am and were I come from. Looking back at what I was going through at the end of last year and the beginning of this year and a little of my life in general, I was quit the queenly boy. Am I now being judgmental when I write this about my self?

Still talking about FridayMay 2004
Lets see. Today I went to practice pool. I need to do drills. Things are not as they used to be with V.L and me. We went to Ace bar and laugh about my drama queenly-ness during the cold season of Nov 2003. I am still embarrassed about it but I still laugh. But I think I needed that to happen. Holding it in, (my anger and frustration), only makes me shout out “louder” latter on than need be.
The Cheese.
I did something a little manipulative today, but I wont say what it is. But I will leave it with “Aden wasn’t there, too bad.

The last Saturday
I spoke to VL today and learned that she has the same views of certain kinds people I used to have. I am about 23 years older than she is so it is normal for her to see this way. I was that way for along time and I am happy I was. It is defiantly the right direction.
People will sometime compromise their happiness for another’s happy-ness, most of the times a loved one. It is hard to deal with feelings and emotions that sit in the pit of your stomach. But this is what shapes us, lets us know or reminds us what we are made of. It is very noble to think of a loved one before thinking of your self. But noble doesn’t necessarily make you smart, or helps you make the right decision. If one is prepared for any penalty of there decisions than it is the right one.

Any comments?


June 1 2004: Tuesday 2:44pm

Song of the day :Bandages-Hot Hot Heat
Whats its all about: William is wack...

xxxxx thinks I am Wack... xxxxx thinks I am not so hot...3:55pm I asked xxxxx if she has anything to say, she says no I ask why, she says I am Wack.

Clare Dayns
4:21 pm Just when it was getting interesting on the phone with real emotions not just some William the clown and xxxxxtoria the entertained, xxxxxtoria hangs up on me, talk about sensitive. Whenever we start real communication she goes away, vanishes does not recipicate.

Maybe she is right. Just because my buddy losses faith in my ability to lead doesn’t mean I should crush a pack of cookies. Maybe this is why my game is the way it is now. If I held it in (the hurt), like a poison I'd still be the same level I was when I started. You don’t grow with out water; tears are sometime good for watering the soil or the soul. I have five leaves on my plant, some others just have two or three. I want more leaves so I will keep on watering.
The Jungle Book
I grew up with gorillas, cold insensitive gorillas. Maybe that is why I cherish my emotions, my feeling. I don’t have that truck driver mentality to laugh at my feelings or others who don’t hold it in.
Being honest with your emotions is a lot tougher than pretending your not hurt. It’s real easy for me to laugh at anything with emotional content. It is real easy for me to act like a truck driver. But it’s not so easy to tell the truth without fear of being ridiculed, yelled at or laugh at. I look back at my handling of personal issues and comment on it with critic or with a kind of observation to grow from the experience and say; good for me.

Any comments?


Samuria a Warrior
Good Luck


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