Dec 03
May 1 | 2
July 1 | 2
Aug 1 | 2
Sept 1 | 2


February 29 2004 Sunday

Good bye February

Never again will I see you feb 2004...or maybe not?
Saturday night Sunday morning …on the train on the way home…
2:50 am just left Douglas on a cab, now I go home. . I played pool today at BBC. The table looked huge at first; too much time on the bar table. I raced to seven with Aaron. I won seven to three. Afterwards we went to go eat at china town; we ate a lot of food. I had chicken and peanuts in hot sauce; it cleared my sinuses. Then we went to the E-bar. Douglas was there on the table already. We all drank and played pool. Douglas was making fans. People feared to play him. Some girl offered to pull up her top for him if he let her play. Douglas said no. She said you must be gay. Aaron had a bit of a cold. I Played bouncer at some point and Douglas was backing me up; thugs. I smoked a lot. I have a little cough now. Lindsey is there and drama has yet again followed her. She told me everybody in the bar thinks she is a little loose. Sam was bartending; Sam is Venus, even Douglas noticed her. Sam is dreamy. I saw Mike. Mike told me he woke up drunk as well from last night. The bar had some real dorks in it tonight; it also had some real friendly ladies as well. On Monday some of Douglas new ladies- fans will be there to watch him shoot. We play big Al’s team.


Any comments?


About Friday night
I can’t afford a relationship right now. All I can afford is an affair. “Sex is a misdemeanor the more sex you miss the meaner you get; I got that quote from a Mea West add in the bathroom Friday night at a blues bar.

I played a little pool yesterday. Then I went to the E-bar and drank. Emi showed up, she told me an old mutual friend of ours tried to make-out (kiss) with her last Sunday at the BD-party; everybody was kissing that night. Emi is very kissable.

I told Emi how old I was and she did not believe me.no one every does. I said it was a secret. She said oh ok. Emi took three steps way from and started yapping my age to her crew. Thanks Emi you 23 year old Abb-Fab-gal. Gota remember those 23 year old’s. so old.

I meet a girl on the pool table At E-bar; we played pool. Ronnie said when he walked in as she was playing with me on the table he noticed I was looking at her as if she was my nursemaid, I was staring at her like I was a little puppy dog while she shot; her game was kind of hot. I asked if she wanted to be on a pool team. She said she would love to. Look out Rumble Fish, here comes another killer for the roster.

I had a conversation with Shannon. I can see and appreciate were she is coming from. Or were she is now. I don’t think anybody would make heads or tails of the things we were talking about. Or how we were talking. If and average person was standing there with us listening to us they would have had us both put away. It was refreshing to got to a place I haven’t been at in a long time.

Aaron meet me at the bar later in the evening, he meet a girl there. They played darts. Aaron’s a chick magnate. About two in the morning, mike the owner of E-bar ask if I wanted to go bar hopping with him. I said ok and we went to a few places. The last place we went too was a blues club. The live music was good. Mike was dancing. There were some hot ladies dancing to the music as well. It was fun. I got real drunk. On the way home everybody on the train was drunk and throwing up. I had to pee real bad so I peed in-between train cars; my pee was two stops long, 23rd to 28th street. I got home at 5:30 I passed out then I woke up at 9:00am I was still drunk I stood up till my drunk was over, I ate, I watched TV, then I went back to sleep. I didn’t wake up with a hang over.

Any comments? | Cynthia Posillico


Feb 27 Friday

What The Wild Things Did

Rumble fish Rumbling and Jimmy watched.

I made the ball... If your wondering....

All About Yesterday

10:30 am
There is s a crazy women in my neighbor hood who goes around asking people for change all the time, this mourning on the way to work she walks up to me and asks me “can I have dirty-bibe-dent?” I walked away ignoring her. Then I kept thinking what the hell was she asking me for? It occurred to me later on what she was asking for when I paid for a cup of coffee at the newsstand. She asks for thirty-five cent. Her heavy accent made it a little difficult to translate dirty-bibe-dent into thirty five cents. Oh well.
The last couple of days I have hade an unfamiliar kind of sleep. I sleep deep in short times. I go too bed at three in the mourning sometimes at four and wake up at six or seven almost feeling like I slept for twelve hours. I am even remembering my dreams.
I have a date on Saturday and I will bring her to the E-bar to meet the guys. If Ronnie flirts with her and she is receptive to him than I know she can’t be trusted. If she ignores him too hard then I know she can’t be trusted. If she shows insecurity over the good looking bartenders than I know I am wasting my time. A test is a shity thing to do, if you have to run a trust test on a potential spouse then why date her or him to begin with?
6:35 pm Broadway B…
Playing with Douglas and Oliver rotation on the BBC table. We are beating each other up. Oliver is a lot better than I thought. He has got a lot of heart. He likes to make the ball more than anything. Me? I like how I make the ball more than making it. Douglas? He likes to win with both how and do. What a trio we make.
9:30 pm at Sleep late bar.
Stephanie is stressed. To many people want her. Her old boss wont let her leave the team; or her job so to speak. She got a better offer. Or so she thinks. I have seen her for the last couple of days with the same expression on her face. This very familiar face. Kind of a worried/confused/sad/vexed-look. I have been there; A lot. Not with her situation but with a dilemma sitting on me for days and days and its showing on me like a 42 street billboard. For a long time I watch people I know handling much more complicated situations with a very cool nonchalant edicate. Steph looks like what I look a lot of times. I feel relieved that I am not the only one who sometimes have heavy thoughts showing on me like a ten-gallon hat; still got to get her ballet tickets.
Having a discussion with Steph about faithfulness’ and unfaithfulness. Why do we do this? Go through Faithful and unfaithful dilemmas? Natural Desire? Necessity? Survival? The list goes on. If it’s so long then does it matter the reason, why make laws around it if it’s natural human behavior? We are gona do it no matter what. Sometimes even if we don’t want too.
10:45 pm
I am teaching Ronnie how to use my ibook. He is happy.



Aaron called. Aaron wants to go drinking today. So we will.

Any comments?


Feb 26 2004 Thursday

Oracle, Ash and Anger-oh my

From Cynthia Posillico
Why being Catholic sucks…
Ash Wed.
Hump day.
No meat…no humping. No humping meat ether.
I am feeling very tired and upset that I have to make a Cape Codder and I’m not on the cape. If I were I would be eating oysters, drinking gin martinis, and barefoot. Why is it so difficult to catch fish when there are so many of them? I wish I could sail. I wish I were in love. I wish the man I loved could sail and catch fish and never want to dance at weddings.
Working can wait this is paradise having no work to do and taking it easy too, working can wait.
I recently went on a date with a guy who had a lot of tattoos and it was sort of cool because it kept the conversation going. I don’t know if I would have had anything to say to him if he didn’t have so much conversational shit all over his body. I actually think it is a good idea for shy people to get tattoos and work out some kind of explanation for each one. It helps. There are no awkward silences when a person has a screaming dragon on their forearm. I wish I was bit more shy. I have no need for tattoos. I’ll tell you everything about myself if you should happen to ask.
I was born in Brooklyn and raised in Florida. My parents are still married and crazy in love with each other. My brother eloped in Vegas last year. I have no pets, but want a French bulldog. I want him to be a boy and I will not name him until we meet. My favorite color is pink, but I am not a fan of red. I have never been truly moved by a painting, but music kills me. I have no talent for music. Until recently I seemed to only date musicians because they did the stuff that got me. They never get me and I never get them and it’s a big mess. I’m recovering.
I love Rock-n-Roll put another dime in the…whatever.
Maybe a classical musician would be okay. Like a violinist or pianist. I hate saying pianist out loud in front of people. Embarrassing.

Sonny has a big ash on his for head. Sonny says, back before Jesus Christ was crucified Mc Donald’s didn’t sell too many burgers. Especially on Friday; over two burgers sold.
One of the missing pages of the bible, Jesus goes to Mc Donald’s. He just ate fries. Jesus Christ the teen years.
Sonny says he plays pool with people who don’t believe in Christ….uh, and?
I played Tony. Tony is tearing me a new one on the table. Tony is playing someone with a pinched nerve in his lower back and neck. It is very pain full to go down on the shot. Every stroke hurts. My energy that is normally for whatever activity I am on. Is now focusing on healing the pain in my neck. Even in pain, my mechanics give him a game.
Some woman said I look like Al-Sharpon. Molly-want a cookie? Some woman from up stares is complaining about the music coming from the bar. She is crazy. She told me she doesn’t even really live up there. She is crazy. I told her egg cartoon her head.

The Sabian Oracle Says:
GEMINI 4 # 64
There regularly comes a time when we need to reconnect with loved ones, family, or, in a larger sense, humanity to discover the strengths and joys in the cultural and religious bonds that hold us together. Even though we may live our lives primarily as separate entities, this bond can serve to strengthen each and every participant.
Social celebrations of the spirit. Returning to basic joys. Celebrations of family and friends. Joy. The value of community.
The Caution: The use of superficial tricks or performance to achieve happiness or meaning. Neglecting family.

Then I asked a second question
The Sabian Oracle Says:
CANCER 22 # 112
There is a strong sense that the ideal will come if you wait long enough. The waiting can lead to a pleasurable expectation, but don't become dependent on unreliable expectations. If you are constantly looking out, then you are not giving enough time to looking back or inward at the things you already possess or have ready access to.
Waiting for one's ship to come in. Escapist fantasies that waste time. Longing for escape..
The Caution: Longing for fulfillment that may never arrive. Hoping that things will one day `happen'. Missing opportunities through emotional inaction.

Any comments? | Cynthia Posillico


Ash Wednesday…
Uh oh. There is a nasty storm brewing. I "almost" feel bad; almost. Then again I shouldn't feel bad. I can’t really tell if its really well deserved. I think it is and I think it isn’t; mostly is. Like I said before; or written before. Young people make stupid mistakes. 23 years is a funny age. Espeacly for girls. Being too proud to admit a mistake that can be costly. Decisions are made in hast and sometimes they can be regretful. I am standing on the edge of a cliff and I see in the distance the clouds turning grey and angry. It’s going to be an ugly one; I have a raincoat and an umbrella; and a snorkel too if needed. I’ll be ok. I don’t know if it is really the way it should be but it might be well deserved or might not be well deserved. I almost feel sad it has to be that way; almost, but not certainly. Technicalities are a bitch especially when they sneak up on you like that. I so did not see that one coming. It’s like I said before. Karma knows no friends, Karma knows no mercy, and Karma knows no regret. I am so sorry. But then again, I am really not that sorry.
So; I went to Sabiansymbols.com for a Sabian Oracle reading
Any comments?


Feb 25 Wed

I flashed Val my nipple for beads last night...

I ate a cake and got a little toy alien...goodluck for the rest of the year?

I think I did get good luck after eating the cake with the toy inside cuase a truck load of hot chicks walked into the bar last night tp play pool. Mardi Gras stuff. Flash Valerie the Bartender and get beads and a free drink. A good flash a good drink and so fourth. I flashed twice; got beads, beer and a jack with coke. Then played pool. Some hot ladies walked in. one of-em plays pool on a regular basis. she is hot as well. I was telling Douglas next season I’m going to put together an all girl team. She will be one of-em.

I ask Molly to write something in my diary. Molly Writes….
The boy I am totally infatuated with just sent me a text message that read’s, “you should call later – I’ll be up…all night.” And right now I am having a difficult time wiping the shit grin off my face. www.mollyknight.com
Molly is the best. She works the hardest at the bar; at least in my opinion. Valerie too; Val is yummy. Molly did her hair, it looks gorgeous. Sam is beautiful, like Venus. E--- bar really does have the smartest and best-looking women bar tenders in the lower east side.
I played today; I’m-talking-about Ronnie’s Tuesday team. I played, I won. Marcus; my player for my Monday team is on the Tuesday team we are playing against today. Marcus is a level #5. He played against Peter Cheng who is on Ronnie’s team; Peter is a level #7. Marcus won. Marcus is good and he is on my Monday team; Yayyyy. After playing George yesterday he should destroy a lot of people for a while now. Rachel, won her match. William and Rachel Gave Ronnie’s team dignity for tonight’s games and match. There are two girls with the same name on Ronnie’s team (Rachel). One of the Rachel’s is very angry with Ronnie. She took Ronnie’s nervous energy personal as she was shooting. He called a coach when she was down on her shot. When Ronnie shows urgency to win, he tend’s to be a little jumpy with his coaches and such along with talking a little smack about the quality of the game; just a little. It doesn’t bother me too much. Almost not at all. If I lose and get a bit of a scolding from him, I can read between his lines. I wont take his critique for one of my loses too personal. I know what he is really saying. “ I want too win William please help me-cause I cant do this by myself” I will just listen calmly and do the best I can.

People really take this game to heart sometime. I do it sometimes as well; just sometimes. Once I had this desire to be a champion, so I practiced all the time. I hit a certain paltue in my game and I came across some new questions in my endeavor to be an excellent pool player; whatever an excellent poolplayer is. I think it might be the time invested to be ranked as good in the pool community and whom you play and beat; I think. The thing with pool is, even when you win you still have to win again another day. So how valuable is a win. This applies for loosing as well. If you lose, you will have a chance to get win another day. A win that will last what? 15 minutes. MGM said to me once. “You are only as good as your last win” Meaning; even if you win a hundred times in a row and lose once. People will remember that one lose more than any of the wins. Sure they will fear you if they play you but its that lose that will give your opponent a sense of hope and the confidence needed to try and beat you or just too win. Don’t you just love pool.

These days when I win, I don’t feel like I’m winning anything. These days when I lose I don’t feel like I’m losing anything ether. Is this what George means by “just have-fun”? When I lose a game or a match and see that guy jumping up and down, I find it fascinating. I see he feels he got a good win. I see he feels/thinks he took down a giant; me. I find that more of a compliment than acutely beating someone who is just not as polished and tuned as I have so “supposedly” developed according too some APA’ers. I apply the principles of art to the/my game and get results that make me happy. Even when I miss. I know I did what I wanted to do and no one can tell me I did wrong. Now give me my cookies....

Any comments? | www.mollyknight.com


WED: 4:00pm. I was getting coffe and saw Gina

Gina Gershon ...

She noticed I noticed her. I noticed she noticed I noticed her and we both didn’t give a shit.

Any comments?


Feb 24 Tuesday

Who the Wild Things are....

Rumble fish 4 points

7:00pm. Sitting here at Dukes on the spot live…Rumble fish verses Barsinisters, (old nick name; the roach on the stick team), That’s an inside joke. Mark is no longer the captain it is now Jhon.
Aaron won his match. 3 too 1. Aaron played like a champ. Oliver played and the other guy got lucky. Douglas blames me a little. Maybe it is true he should; maybe not. I let him give me a scolding. He is my champion, he is my buddy, he is entitled. However the champion Oliver that he is he still blames himself. (He blames it solely on an Italian broad from Long Island. Chicks go figure.)So the game begins. Douglas wins the lag. Douglas just did a killer shot on the 8-Ball on the first game. Douglas won the second game in the same manner as the first. Armando is breaking down; one brick at a time. Maybe Armando AKA the wolf man is dreaming about the days of Lucy’s. Armando looks scared. Armando just did an ugly shot. Douglas looks too good. I am scared for the wolf man. Douglas shoots, Douglas does not score. Oliver just said “oooOOOOOO-ugly”. Douglas just gave Armando a ball in hand. I hear a thump. Aaron trips and falls down walking by the table in the background, I don’t look because I am too busy watching Armando getting a coach from the infamous George. Douglas just lost the first game. The race now is Douglas 2 Armando 3. And the beat goes on. Douglas wins the game with a run; Douglas wins his match now it is two one. My new player Marcus is up I match him against George. George wins the lag, George breaks, George runs the table, “1”. George breaks an runs it down to the 8 misses the 8. Marcus shoots one ball then another then another then misses George is up, runs the table.”2”. George breaks, George runs the table. “3”. Do I really need to go on? George wins all the games. George wins the match. George is not a level 7 he’s more like level 10 today; just today I now his game already. But I heard he lost last week to a level 4; chicks go figure. He still tells me I want to be on your team William. I think to myself hell-fucken-no but I say to him ‘the day you stop drinking is the day I will put him on my team”. LoL. The first season I put him on, he lost a lot, then he started fighting with me and the team, then he quit. But he came back a few weeks later and said I felt like a loser quitting, like a quitter, I am no quitter I am no loser so I put him back on, he may not be a loser or a quitter but he is a drunk and needs help with his drinking problem. William is up. They match a 3 against William. William puts on an ill nino cd for his game. William wins the lag. William wins the first match then the second then runs the third. William wins. Three two xxxtory for Rumble fish. This should put us on 19/20 points for the season so far. Weeeeee.
Were the wild things are…

I found a wild animal on the street today. A Badger.Hmmmmmm.
I have wild animals on my team. Most APA captains adopt players who are domestic animals like poodles, parakeets, Hamsters, canaries, cat, dogs gold fish etc. Not me. Not my team. I always had Lions and Tigers and Bears and Wolverines and Badgers, Eagles, and Sharks. I just got a strong grip on the fact that every single one of my players over the years have been independent people who live in the city ether alone or on some semi survival life style with barley a family member close by to bail them out if the chips are down. Every domestic animal I had on my team in the past jump ship. I think Marcus is my first domestic animal for Rumble fish who wont jump ship; Also-who-I-think-might-now-want to run with the wild animals to improve his game. Lets see how he does this season. I believe in Marcus. I know he’s got the heart and the skills. George was a good start. Lets see him turn into a wild animal. Mark didn’t want me talking to George. Mark wants to think he knows George better than I do. George is one of the wildest animals I had on my team. Mark doesn’t realize the Wild animal he has on his team. But he will soon. Good luck Mark, taming the beast of Broadway.
So far this season, I really haven’t tried to work hard at being a captain. I barely call the team to show up and there showing up. Don’t have to ask for money. They are paying. Maybe I will take next week off. Went to edge bar after ward, watched the other team play. George was there, MGM was there. George doesn’t really want to be on the team he is on write now. If he just fucken behaved and slowed down with the booze I might put him on Rumble fish again, but that will never happen. Poor George doomed to be a floater in life. I am not that far from it myself.

Any comments?


Tues/Mon: Wild thing Maria tells me she wants to get with Douglas or Martin

Black or white, it makes no diffrence to me... I'll take em both...oh and william too. How french is that; wee wee.

Any comments?


Feb 23 Monday

late for work

pickled herring Jesus, Forgiving, If i didnt know any better....

4:22pm. Today we play the team Georges is on; wWeeeEEeeEEe. Douglas was talking strategy against George; why? Talking about match up and such. I had that wacky guy on my team for about 6/7 seasons. I know his game like the back of my hand. The best strategy is just one. When they put him up, just get him out of the way. Don’t try and beat him, you will end playing for about three hours. Win or lose it doesn’t matter. Just get him out of the way and maneuver the team match ups around him. ateam can only win as a team it dosent mater if a team has just one good player, you need 5 points for a win not one. Its team 8 ball.

Yesterday (sunday) at 2:00pm. Just thinking on the way to the bar…The UN forgiven conversation on the phone.
I’m talking to my buddy on the phone and we are having a conversation on forgiving. Lets see…. Can I forgive? Yes I can. I am thinking about all the terrible moments I went thru with my friends and family over the years and thought despite-all-that witch transpired, we still say hello to each other, hug on Christmas and look and speak to each other like we are old friends and family. I have been here before. The whole trying to rationalize forgiving-something or someone-that cant be forgiven easily thing. Its bad for the soul-I have said this before. In the past, I have had family members do the most terrible and –or unbelievable acts of evil possible to me and-or to each other and still somehow or another I find it in themselves or myself to forgive. Is it fear that makes us forgive? Is it selfishness? Are we forced to forgive because of the consequence of not forgiving? Why do we forgive? Pride; maybe, dignity? Does it all depend on what it is? Can you forgive and unfaithful lover as opposed to a back stabbing brother sister or friend? What is the difference? Reasons; meaning, committing an act with an action in-witch will lead to trouble in yours or a relationship on any level. Jesus gave his life for this "forgiving thing". Not that I really believe in the bible because I know its missing pages. But the story is interesting. I can forgive; most of the time. But it takes me time. Nobody ever put a time limit on forgiving, unless I was dying of something. Dying from life. For the record I am now going to officially forgive…err…. uh…well…gee…funny…I can’t even write down what I want to forgive. Not that I don’t know what it is because I do…but now I suddenly feel angry at the things I find tuff to forgive. Or maybe I am angry with my self. I wish I could forget those things I need to forgive. Or at least I think I need to forgive. I feel like I am going to surrender something if I forgive. The trouble with this is I don’t know what I am surrendering. This is one of those, I didn’t realize I had it until I have completely lost it thing. Interesting. Well, time to get off the train. Off to pool and party land.
Yesterday (Sunday) at 4:00pm. I played pool at BBC and shot well. Then I played some kid who is on Jimbo’s barfly team. I beat him. He is rated a 5 on the APA. To bad, because he is not a #5 under Rumble-fish standards. He would be a good three. I am beginning to learn my team players are very different from the rest of the APA teams. I saw Vinny in the pool hall. He is going to the hospital, Vinny is very ill. Ill visit him if he has to stay. Off to the bar.
this morning 1:30am coming home from the bar; Tequila shot’s-now drunk…Random writing.
Douglas walks in a little after me. There is pickled herring on the table and lots of cheese; were the fuck is the food? Douglas and Liz get a long lovely. Elizabeth is very beautiful. All over beautiful. And she likes Douglas. Wow. It was fun at the bar, lance told me a few things about some things. I agreed with him on a few things; just a few, big shit. Aaron walk in, he looks good in his new jacket. We drink we get drunk. I ate a lot of cheese. There are lots of girls at the bar. There is a six-foot chicken head playing pool. Oliver walks in, he plays, he’s good he’s on my team. Ronnie puts on the last episode of sex in the city. I hate that show. Rachel agrees with me that is patronizes the stereotypes of men and woman. Lindsey brings drama to the bar; Lindsey always brings drama to the bar. Douglas almost looses my notebook. I am drunk right now. Aaron byes me a falafel. Emi walks in with her crew at 12:00am. I love Emi. She is the best. Sam is drunk, mmmMMMmmmMmmm; be good William. Val is drunk. Patrick grabbed my ass.

John tells me I write too much on my diary, less words more pitchers. Michelle is on the floor piss drunk playing with a little wind up toy of jumping boobies. I smoke a lot with Aaron. Jim walks in, I miss Jim; or I’m gona miss Jim. Mel has wicked eyes. AJ is beating everyone on the table. Val tells me I get way to many freebees at the bar. Val is hot. Maybe I can get away with a freebee Val. Aaron is hungry. Aaron is out cold with his new jacket.

Any comments?


Feb 22nd SUNDAY

Happy Birthday EMI!!!!

Free food and Booz day...bloddy mary here I come

It’s Sunday 10:00am…
Did laundry, ate break feast took a shower, spoke to Emi; Happy Birthday baby, Emi is now at age were she wont say how old she is anymore. That’s graduation day I remember when I was at the age of…bla…bla…bla…bla. Then I kept it quite.

Anyway I couldn’t decide if I need a shave, is it time for the goatee to go? Is it time to get ride of the rebel security blanket across my face? Naaa. I'll keep it for a little while longer. At least for the winter, I still need to got to the gym, spring is almost here.
Today im going to play pool, meet Emi later then off to Ronnie’s party. I'll up date later, chow.

Any comments?


Feb 21st Sat

“gorgeous girls of a feather flock together”

Jamie Yesterday she was on... and her game too

I need lessons. I wont say in what. But what I need is, energy control; maybe. It is not that I am hyper active, or a sloth ether. But, time with me has an effect on my moods. I am sitting here in the bar, its 8:26pm and all I can think about is that thing that bothers me. I am so mixed up right now. I am not the most forgiving person. Is this bad? I feel like an asshole. I feel like I am right but why do I feel left, alone… I am not wrong.

8:35pm. Ron just walked in the bar as I sit here writing, as I am not improving my pool game…its his birthday today, 35years, wow that make me xcx years older than him…he is going to celebrate it on Sunday. Lots of food and drinks on Sunday. Ronnie is wearing white. Kind of reminds me of Mr. Roark from Fantasy Island.
Joe just walked in…quote of the evening, “gorgeous girls of a feather flock together”. Meaning? Michelle old roommate (Jamie) is visiting her at the bar. And of course, she is good-looking; a lot good-looking. Almost Fairy like.
8:45pm. Karolyn just walked in. red hair sugary lips, banging figure, She’s passionate. If I had the means, if I could, I would help her with her current problem. She stepped out for ice cream.
8:50pm. Stephanie just walked in mmmmmMMMmmmm. What can ya say…wow. Still got to get her tickets for the ballet. If I had the means she would definitely get my attention. All the time.
Karolyn is back. Ice cream. Yummy. Ronnie has taken notice of the beautiful creature sitting at the bar; Jamie. Ronnie is now sitting with the beautiful creature at the bar. What ever.


Magic Jamie

How does this happen?



Ok…time to write something that is not going to take my attention away.
Getting back to what I was feeling before. There is a rush of hot blood in my system that wont leave, ripples in the water, what ever you want to call it. I feel cheated. I don’t want to turn into the ice king. The ice king is cold and scary and does bad things sometimes.

More distractions….
I just did a shot with Ronnie. Michelle asked if I wanted to go with her and Jamie to Anatomy bar. Before we all went I watched Jamie shoot some pool. She is magical. Making balls like she-owns-em. While she was shooting I noticed her stature is very lovely. Smooth, curvy and yoga-like even. And her eyes are to die for. Whatever. After she won like a million games we went to Anatomy bar.Not much happening there so we went to Ace Bar and shot for a while; got drunk and went else where after ward and got drunk some more hanging with beautiful girls is not such a bad thing sometimes. Whatever. Found a wallet with a lot of money in it. The owner came looking for it and hour later at the bar, so I returned it. Karma. Some dude wanted to fight with me and tom at the bar. I ignored him but he kept on. So I gave him the fearless-crazy look, then he shut up. I really wanted to kick his ass at that moment but he backed down so I let it go. If we got into a fight I would have been pounding three months of irritation on him. Lucky boy, lucky.

Tim is hard-core, he drinks till he vomits, yea baby!!! 4:08pm. Just got invited to a kegger this coming friday, were gona burn the house down.

Any comments?


Feb 20th Friday After Paddies

RumbleFish JIM

I hate to lose you buddie

This is Jim My best Rumblefish

The Friday after Jims going away party…. I’m a little drunk and so is Aaron
Sitting here with Aaron 1:30am in the morning on the subway platform, He likes Jim he tells me, Jim likes him, Jim like s the team. Jim said Rumble fish is the best pool team he has ever been on; ever. He is sad he’s leaving the team. He asks me three times about what’s-her-face ”why did she leave?”-Pause-stare-pause “Get her back will,” he’s tells me. I said to him; once I thought she was the best part of the team, the best part of me being a captain, I guess i was wrong cuase she left anyway, I told him; she felt obligated to the other team, Jim says with confusion, if there are obligations, shouldn’t then first, ”her obligations first be with us?” and not the other team she barley knows. I said some people in the APA think this is normal behavour; jumping on teams you barley know is ok, I mean you did right? I just don’t know anything anymore; we got dumped, the end. He was probably wondering why she wasn’t there at the bar as well to say good-bye ether; sad. I told her man the day he opened up to me about his life to be here today Feb 19 at paddies, maybe he forgot, they didn’t show up any way. What ever, no big whoop. I got tierd of talking about it already so we did shots. Aaron showed up and so did Douglas with his ruff-neck buddies. Jim is sad he leaving, He was telling me few personal reason why, he needs to be home now. my school of Rumblefish are slowley swimming away. Played killer afterward, I got knocked out in the middle some were, and I hope Jim won. I am going to miss Jim. He’s a Rumble fish.

Pool with me is like fucking... if I don’t feel like getting it up...there will be no game...err...sex...whatever; you get the principle. I like Heath, he’s cool. I played Heath a game of pool. I didn’t want to, but I did. He won, I think. Left me with all the balls on the table; I think? I was already wobbly when he got there. I really didn’t care to win, to shoot, to get it up get hard and play. Didn’t even try. His lady was watching nonchalant with sharp urgency; I like her; she’s brave. Showing the skills to the guy is pointless; he beat me already when what’s-her-face joined his team. Though I have a suspicion he is not aware of what transpired between her and her old team and me. Witch will probability be broken (my team) bye the end of this season. He’s a nice guy. I wouldn’t mind having him on my team or me on his. We spoke, we think alike. When we spoke it was like talking to a mirror. I didn’t bring anything up about the stuff in the past, I felt embarrassed. I know snow-white is talking smack to his beautiful lady about me; she is looking at me funny, she wants to say something but I think she is not sure. I don’t blame her, the whole thing is dumb anyway; spicy but dumb. Maybe I’ll get Heath a spot at my bar and get him off that shit table he plays on at Pool-Bag. Ronnie would like that.

Jennifer wants to join the team yayy! She referred to my team as that good team down there. Flattery will get you everywhere; just kidding. Marcus also wants to join the team, now I have a choice, better make it before the end of the day or I will get no one.
Douglas shows up at Paddies and everybody looks at him like the enemy. Why? He’s one of the best guys I know. Whatever. He’s cool with me. Douglas walks in with to ruff necks from his old hood. Look like the kind of guys I grew up with back in my old south Bronx days. I thought they were cool; ruff but cool. There were lots of APA players there it humbling. Everybody is good; though I played like I was in a coma most of the night I know when I turn it on I can be scary; I don’t like that sometimes. People like a winner but they also look at you funny and always want to challenge you.
I shot at pool hall yesterday I shot ok. Ran some tables then I could make a ball on some next ones. My random thoughts get in the way of my game sometimes. Its ok. Its just pool.

5:17pm. I was just on the phone with a teammate. I told him I need a break. He says, "Well if your winning why would you need a break?" I said to him, just because I’m winning still doesn’t mean I need a break. I need a break. He was a little confused. What ever.This is pretty much the mantality of most of the APA players I know.

Any comments?


Feb 19 Thursday

Happy 23rd BirthDay Aaron!!!

Aaron on 23rd st waiting for his 23rd birthday to arrive

Happy Birthday RumbleFish Aaron...
Time feels like it movie a million miles a second then it feels like every minute is and hour. I don’t know what is going on with me. I’m waiting for something to happen. I don’t know what it is. Anyway today is Aarons Birthday I’ll buy the pool champion a drink or two or three or four ;mwa hahahah hahhahahha ha. Today is the final goodbye for Jim as well.

Yesterday at home me and my nephew watch our first “R” rated movie together. The movie was called Bourn Identity staring Matt Damon and some chick that looked just like him. It was great we laughed the whole time. He thought that Matt Damon’s counter part in the movie who-was-a girl looked just likes him. They had the same cleft on there chins or what some people call a but hole on the chin. My nephew said they were twin but holes. When matt Damon and the girl counter part started kissing in the movie he went ill. My nephew is 12.

Lindsey will be OK…
Tomorrow im going to visit my buddy Lindsey, she is the best. I am glad she is ok. I don’t know what I would do if anything were to go erroneous.



4:05pm I got another young hot or not honey match up. I think im going to respond to this one and see were it goes. If there is grass on the field play ball, just kidding. Or is it just kiddy? LOL man I kill me.

Any comments?


I had Some faggy feelings between Wednesday night and Thursday morning. It might have been the b-12 vitamins or maybe the Aleve. But this song moved me

I hear... a voice say "Don't be so blind"... 
it's telling me all these things... 
that you would probably hide... 
am I... your one and only desire... 
am I the reason you breath... 
or am I the reason you cry... 
Always... always... always... always... always... always... always... 
I just can't live without you... 
I love you... 
I hate you... 
I can't live without you... 
I breathe you... 
I taste you... 
I can't live without you... 
I just can't take anymore... 
this life of solitude... 
I guess that I'm out the door... 
and now I'm done with you...


Any comments?


Feb 18 Wed

Lots of something

and a whole lot of nothing

Rachel shoots Rachel scor....er...huh...not scores...oopps

And the beat goes on…
Tuesday team yesterday got three points. Rachel could of won but the other player who was a level two got some lucky leaves; you APA players know how that goes. My first time managing the Tuesday team. It was ok. Everybody is cool, My Monday team is better though, but we are getting few, Vinny is very ill and doesn’t want to play this season. I could make it with six players through out the season but it will be ruff. I really wish I took the season off but Ronnie and the rest of the bar wants me around a little more now than ever-before. I won my match yesterday, it was a good win. That guy was from Finland. A champion. Both teams were laughing at me yesterday for asking him a little about his background. Nobody took notice of the way he was standing and looking at the table. Peter laugh at me when I said the guy new how to shoot. He said, “How the hell do I know that? Its his first time on the APA”. That guy fooled everybody. I was nervous because I knew he could shoot. Little things gave him away, the way he chalked his stick, you can tell. What ever. I turned him into a three when I beat him yesterday. Right now it’s possible he is the strongest three in the Tuesday division. Whatever, Tried to get him on my Monday team; he works on Monday. Whatever. I really wish I took the season off.

Irritated Man...4 tabs of B-12 today.
I have been so irritable lately, could be cold related, and could be with my current situations. Tomorrow is Aarons B-day. He hinted me about a surprise party. I wish I had the cash to set one up, but ill get him drunk instead at paddies tomorrow while saying good-bye to Jim. Ronnie is having a B-day this Sunday, I think, lots of free food and drinks; free!!! I’ll be there.

If only Brian….
If you got a little more in-sink with the standards society and its flaws then maybe things would be different. If you tried to stop calculating the in-calculable then maybe things would work out for you a little better.

Ben Says

Be a gentleman your whole life to women. when prick hungry, feed them. when out of style, dress them. When they say why don't you give me a surprise sock her colf for a change. wake her up on the lawn where she can see her picket fence. while you clip the grass around her pedastal getting it ready for when she is a statue. worshipped as she waits no longer in tears. benjamincoopersmith@hotmail.com

4:16pm Wed
I’ve just been rated from a scale of one to ten a 7.9 on Hotornot.com
Here is another sketchy aged match up." Hey uncle William can I get a pony ride"?
Talk about mouse entrapment. Do they actually think im going to nibble on this cheese? It flattering, I think? But I do have a problem meeting women my age. Most women my age look 10/12 years older than me. This was a problem I had on Valentines Day. That lady I picked up thought she was older than me. Until she looked in my wallet the next morning. Then she just felt stupid. I mean, when she thought I was ten years younger than her did she not feel a little cheap then? I patronize the fantasy sometimes. But it always gets screwed up when the “how old are you thing” comes in.

4:55 pm Maria says I look evil
Today on the way to work two junior high girls were checking me out. I got mad. I need to change my look. I want a woman to look. Not young dumb girls. I have enough of young dumb girl interrupted girls. Gona shave a little and trim the hair; soon. Maria wants to meet Douglas. Maria likes Douglas and Martin.

Any comments?


Feb 17 Tuesday

Douglas shoots....Douglas scores....

Mad world…
Rumble Fish yet again has gotten an amazing 4-point xxxtory yesterday against Mona’s Athletic club. Oliver Takes Command on right with a two zero win following Aaron amazing three to two xxxtory against the over rated Nick the level 6, Then Douglas came along with a 4 to 2 whoop-ass against the lovely Tina Wong. Then in the end it was a Captain William Fuentes who played Fucken-Floyed with his last pot to piss in for the final point on the Rumble Fish roster.

Did I say I wasn’t going to play anymore?
I really wish I wasn’t. But now Ronnie wants me to captain his Tuesday team (Just for today). Well, with all the girls on the team now down to #4’s. I should be a simple sweep. Man, what the hell is going on with the APA and captain shortages. Rumble fish will probably take the season again. I still feel disenchanted from last season but my players are on top of me extra hard this season and now the players on Tuesday are pointing in my direction for input. Why god why? Just when I thought I was out they drag me back in. I need help. I wish I had a rock sold co- captain.


This mourning I was watching last American virgin.
Instead of running out of the kitchen crying when I saw the woman I loved kissing the guy who knocked her up and then dumped her I would of demanded my 250 dollars back and stabbed the both of them with a butter knife. Yup, that would have been me, a regular Joe Pesscie from good fella’s. That guy Gary kind of reminded me of xxxx that chick Karen; xxxl. I think if Gary got his 250 bucks back from that abortion he paid for Karen then the ending wouldn’t be so bad. What a love sick xxxtim. Boy, love can make you do wild things. There is no way in hell I would hock my i-Pod for some chick’s abortion because my buddy knocked up and thought she was trash after he did it. What kind of dummy gives her virginity away in a football field bleacher. Why? Is there a better place to loose it? Maybe-maybe not but it still looks dumb.

Ps: if your going to create a catchphrase, its not “traitor” its back stabbing-little-shit-liar you dumb ass.

Any comments?


Feb 16 Monday

Deadly Mayonnaise


3:12 pm today is pool day...Big shit. I have things to say; all kinds of things, just don’t know were to begin. I learned yesterday you don’t know what real trust is until you loose it. You compromise one experience for another while inadvertently selling something you cherished. Been watching too much “L” word lately. Someone called me last night and hung up on me. Uh oh. Could be a number of people. Could be my number is up. A lot of people want to shoot me now; for passionate reasons. Brian is talking to me as I write; I have no idea what I am writing. Talking about shaving, the market, the way I look, girls,
4:52pm Talking about brains cat eating bread. More about his stock, about his sandwich-cheese-turkey.
5:23pm Douglas emailed me a picture his deadly mayonnaise. He left a jar of mayonnaise on the radiator.

Any comments?


Feb 15 Sunday

We opened our eyes at the same time facing each other and stared...

This mourning she told me she was married, I didn’t make a move, I stood perfectly still; after she said she was married. She turned around and started crying. I leaned over slowly to kiss her shoulder, and she elbowed me in the chest and said "and I’m not whore'! I said ouch, but I wasn’t really hurt. She turned around and said sorry, then leaned closer to me and started crying. As she lay on me I laid back and stroked her hair slowly as I feel her tears trickling down my chest. I asked if she was hungry. “You have to leave, my husband will be home soon,” she answers. I knew she was lying. There was no indication of any man living in her home. Not in the bathroom, not in the living room, not in the bedroom, In fact she barely had anything in her home, she did not even have a plant. Looks like she just moved in. I waited till she got up off of me so I can get up and get dressed. She is touching me in a way she used to touch the other man as she still cries. She finally got up 45 minutes later and went to the bathroom, I put on all my cloths but I threw my tee shirt with a logo on it that said “No Fear” under her bed. I went to the kitchen to rinse and wash up then I looked in her fridge, no food. I was starving, and my head was pounding; still got a little cold. I waited for her in the living room by the front door. She came out different, like she was on guard, ready to do battle; ready to tell me to fuck off if I thought she was some cheap lay. Both her arms were too her side's; she showed no fear. I walk up to her slowly and slide my hand through her arm and waist toward the small of her back and slide my other hand behind her neck. Her hands were still too her sides as I lean in too whisper gently in her ear. When I finished telling her what she needed to hear. We kissed gently. She asks me if I was interested in having dinner with her tonight. Before I answered, she lifted both or her arms and laid them on my shoulders and wrapped around my neck and kissed me lovingly.

No I will not have dinner with her, I will probably never see her again, but I know I helped her let go of that other man.

10:34pm I just showered…Showered so long my whole body is wrinkled. Washed off the whole last 4 days not including today. Haven’t had a cig since Wed. I can breath deeper now. Oliver called, he’s gona play tomorrow, so is Vinny and Ana. I feel sexy. I learned that I am not thinking like a young man anymore, boy was I stupid. I continue twice longer in bed with woman now that I did when I was 23. I love women. A woman is like a country. And the exploration is the pleasurable part. Even it’s dangerous sometimes.

Any comments?


February 14 2004 Saturday

Happy "V" day

Sentimental people are ruled by there feeling and they are capable of anything.

9:00am Sat

It’s early
Lets see what kind of V-day happens for Apple Cinnamon William today. I doubt anything will happen if I don’t go out; maybe. But let's see who remembers. In the mean time ill write a poem, ill post it later.

Here is my poem now...How can you measure love without disaster?

Poem for her…
You know what I miss… I miss "saying" how beautiful she was, I felt alive revealing to her these things I see when she walks across room. I can never make up those things I used to say. I have to see and smell and witness to feel those loving things I used to say. I feel like I’m missing the sunset now, I feel like I am missing the pleasure of staring at the moon. She; “who-is” that witch inspired me. To feel beauty and the pleaser of telling, and then stepping back an admiring from a far and watch it like a sun set just to experience the anticipation to do it all over again on the next rise.


3:00pm..Hey look I got a lava life match for Valentines Day. I’m scared to go out, I might reactivate my flew or cold or what ever, still got a little headache.

4:15 pm I better take it easy…I know myself, if I go out, I’m gona find some friendly lady sitting at the bar, bye her a bunch of beers and then do bad things, I still have a cold, my instinct is telling me something will happen if I go out today, I must proceed with caution. But first I must imitate my uncle Harry and shave my back for all the ladies out there. Then I will be ready to take on the streets of New York and all those miserable couples out there pretending to be happy with each other on this day of meeting new people and new loves.

Any comments?


Friday Feb 13 2004 Still have the flew or a cold or something bad.


Still ill...later...wait a minute...nope still ill..but i have something to say.

The first night of my illness I was completely drenched in sweat and thoughts about resent event of my life. Work, pool, money, home, age, life. My goodness, my dreams are like something out of a nine inch nail video. or like that movie Seven with brad pitt. It might be the meds mixed with slight depression, broken heart ness, and financial difficulties witch is most likely the culprit for my illness. This has happened to me before. I can’t hold things inside for long. People call me deep, what a joke; I am more like a three-inch-deep pool. Years of Tae Kwon Do and ring Boxing at Fort Apache only made me tuff on the out side not the inside. I’m soft on the inside. My difficult responsibilities are swimming on the surface of William right now, that is not a good thing for people to see. I have to stay in, might even stay in on valentines days witch I completely forgot about. Well, I might spend it with Aaron at Anatomy bar, holding hands and drinking 3-dollar Amstel’s. I am mixed up right now, could be the meds, one second I want to say something to her and the next I hate her. I miss her and I’m glade she is gone. First I dial “1” then the area code then the number, but I always stop just before hitting the seventh number. Then I hang up. What am I talking about? I don’t know, right now I’m on meds.


Six Demon Bag...If you mix Advil with nighttime NightQuil and few other minor meds like Predicell, Dimetapp, assprin, pian killers, prozac and what ever you can see things no one else can see, you can hear things no one else can hear. It’s amazing.

Just wanted to add...When I went to work on Wed, Neil didn’t even acknowledged my illness, which bothered me. He new I shouldn’t been working but he’ll be dammed to hell if he does a full 8 eight-hour shift. So he left without even saying good-bye to me. Whatever, I’m underpaid anyway. That’s another thing that bothering me, were the fuck is my god dam raise?

Any comments?


Thursday Feb 12 2004

Still have the flew or a cold or something bad.

Still ill...later

Any comments?


Wednesday Feb 11 2004

I have the flew or a cold or something bad.

A very nice clear day makes my cold tolerable...

I woke up dying. My head is pounding and many of my muscles ache. I thought I was going to stay home. I was a wrong, looks like nobody came in to work today because of the same thing. So I picked my self up and went to work. I knew this was going to happen after my APA match yesterday on Ronnie’s Tuesday team. I won, I beat some level "6" dude (3 to 1) and then I threw up chicken soup in the bathroom.
Crissy wants to get back on the team. She came by the bar yesterday and she looked good. She said she regretted leaving the team for-her-being-angry-reasons. And she might want to start again. Hooray, she wants to come back. Wow, all I need is Henry and I got my old crew back. What a dream that is. I think ill call Henry.

On medicine right now


Just a moment...It'll pass.
Pic taken at 2:57pm outside of the lab Feb 11 2004 on my way over to starbucks for a Chi tea latte. William with the flew/cold. Still dreaming in his wake. Dream walking, could be the flew making me dizzy or to week to suppress my feelings I feel like crying, but I wont, I’m to tuff for that. I am not a crybaby, even though someone told me that once. It's a nice day, nothing in my bones. My head is pounding and my nose is running. Gota drop off the sheet today. Douglas owes me 21 bucks.


Yesterday Ronnie was on my ass about my game. A lot of people would get nervous about this behavior during there match but for some reason it does not bother me. He was talking a lot about how good he got; he does that a lot. I don’t think he realizes the extra presser he puts himself in when he does this. Meaning; when it comes time for him to play all that talk now needs to have a lot of walk. If he cant walk it then all that talk was bull shit. I never beat my own drum about my game, it’s bad karma.

Any comments?


Feb 10 Tuesday

About the Anatomy


Well well well…
Rumble fish has yet again gotten a 4-point win for yesterdays (Monday) match at Anatomy bar. A Phat-Sexy-I’m-in-love-with-little-place with free hot dogs, popcorn suicide girls and 3-dollar Amstels almost all night. Even Douglas likes it; Looks like William’s got another bar hang out on his list of regular hangouts.

Spencer that bastard is so lucky; he has an authentic Suicide Girl on his team. She is way rad. One of the original first 5. I new she was one the second I laid eyes on her, clear skin, hour glassy, shiny black hair, covered in tattoos, Just all together hot.

Hmmm. Spencer's team is pretty sexy, a little to sexy. i wonder were he found these people?

A girl told me once my team wasn't sexy. She was wrong. We are way sexy.


Aaron the winner
Brian the winner
Douglas the winner
William the winner

How full of shit am I. I said I wasn’t going to play this season and here I am still playing, It’s different now though. I don’t sense the negative energy element that was there before. Hmmm. I almost feel like I have a new team. My team wont let go, and Aaron said it lovely yesterday before he left the train car, its pretty lame to quit because the going gets ruff, it shows bad form and how weak you are. Aarons B-day is on the 19th of this month. Gota get him drunk…again.

I had no idea Douglas was such a talented artist. He did a portrait of me yesterday while I was shooting, he is so talented, and special. I love him to death. His vision of me is so accurate it's mind-boggling. This portrait is almost clone-like; it's like looking in a mirror except, it is more of a revealing life style. Here's to you Douglas old buddy.


Brian still hanging in there with Rumble fish. I cant wait till he puts together his own team one day. Gather his own players and keep em together through tuff times as well as hard times along with arrogant player times and players who think they know more than you and players who go on other teams behind your back and players who want to play first and players who are broke and players who get mad when they dont play and players who complaine all the time and players who are always mad and players who are always late and players who dont show up and players who........bla...bla...bla...bla...bla...cant wait.

Any comments?


February 9 2004 Monday 12:59pm

Phases of the Moon


1:30pm Monday-Funny...I don’t have an erg to smoke...and I put on two pounds. Boy this past weekend was one of the most interesting weekends so far this year, I’m sure there will be more. It was a full moon this past weekend. Anyway, its funny how that dude wanted to open up to me when it was to late. But I think he had different motivations other than just opening up to me. And that other guy who wanted to kick my ass because his horney girl freind was scamming me. I think I have said this before, people usually learn something valuable when it’s too late. I did, many times over.

2:12pm Monday-Today Rumble fish will play Spencer’s brand new spanking team…
I wonder who will show up? I might not, then again I didn’t show up last week and we won. Hmmm, this means something.


3:46pm- Monday Lawyer fee...again
Did I say something about Karma earlier? I just lost 631dollars on a stupid lazy mistake. Jeez, I’m right back were I stared from!!! I need a second job. Fred Garvin move over William Fuentes Male prostitute.

4:45pm-Monday- I gota update the Rumble fish pool website. APA people in Division 5 get on there more often than I thought.

Yon rising Moon that looks for us again— How oft hereafter will she wax and wane; How oft hereafter rising look for us Through this same Garden—and for one in vain!

Any comments?


One form of Karma is

Any comments?


Saturday 7 2004


Dawn of the dead
The first time you drank heavy with your loved one it was great. She/he was all over you. You guys went out again, it was the same thing again, then that’s when you thought, “hey he/she is ok when they drink”. you'll accepts the crude alcoholic behavior. Right up until the point were your relationship becomes a little rocky and then you go out and drink again.


This girl was hanging all over me yesterday. Then her man walked in. He said to me "what the fuck am I doing with his girl", I told him what the fuck is she doing sitting on my lap? Her girl freind walked her away. Both were laughing at the whole thing.

Good luck little brother

Booze is a truth serum?…Suck my rooster with that bull Sh!# I didn’t drink yesterday, thank goodness. Yesterday the bar was like a co-ed college locker room full of drunken women and young boys who blow there load way to soon with the female drunken species. A mess. Don’t get involved or commit to a loyal hettaro one on one only relationship with women/men or girls/boys who drink too much. If you learn this after the fact that your women (or man) likes to drown her/his headaches in booze then you’ve been xxxtimized by your own social inexperience’s. If you new this about your woman (or man) already (the fact that she/he drinks to a point were she/he is incoherent to the relationship she/he was involved in a few hours before she/he started counting 99 bottle of beer on the wall) and hope you’re still that same man/woman you still are when she/he first met you. Then your living a dream buddy. Unless you’re into you’re girl/boy or woman/man screwing around behind your back. Then its ok.


When your drunk; lust sometimes commits to you’re immediate desire not to your spouse in a bar full of good-looking people. Then again what do I know about relationships. For the last month I’ve been getting the same ol “don’t tell my boyfriend we hung out today, oh! And also don’t tell him we spoke on the phone ether”. I almost considered being gay after being told that yesterday. But I heard the gay community is just as bad even worse sometimes due to the silly discrimination issues.


Any comments?


February 6 2004 Friday 4:27pm

T. P. A. D (Transitional Pool table Adaptation Disorder)

weather; cold wet slushy and pretty hot pouring that drink
Michelle went to the pool hall and tore this guy a new one…
She was pretty on. Running tables from Break to Eight. From break to nine. Then when we got to the bar (on the bar table) for an APA match she couldn’t make a ball. She has the skills but I have seen this before, not only with Michelle, but also with the best-shot makers I know on the APA, George, Douglas, MGM, Lappy, Myself, and a whole slew of others. Even the most advanced players suffer from a thing I like to call
T. P. A. D (Transitional Pool table Adaptation Disorder)
The transition between the two…
Yesterday I occurred to me. Why the hell am I beating people up in the pool hall, advanced pool players. And when I get on the bar table I miss balls and get beat by people who can’t even hold the cue stick correctly. In the beginning I used to spend more time on the bar table and less time in the pool hall. Then when I discovered I can advanced my game on the bar table by practicing in the pool hall my bar game went up. I was doing drills and exercises in the pool hall for the bar table. Then I stopped doing that and just hung out in the pool hall disregarding the bar table. I figured if im good on the big table the small table should be a peace of cake so why bother practing, I should just play. That’s when my bar game went down. The last couple of months I have been spending more time in the bar and less time the pool hall, my bar game went up and I have dragged along my knowledge from the pool hall to the bar table. I went to the pool hall yesterday and shot like I always do, then I went to the bar and spent an equal amount of time on the table as well. That’s when I realized the problem with transitions between the pool hall table and the bar table. I won’t share what the secret is but one thing is for sure, 50/50 should be spent on both bar table and pool hall table if you don’t want to suffer the iniquitous T P A D.
Transitions…The Big and Small
Weather its from the bar table to the pool hall table or a tight pocket table to a regular pocket table, tempering the transitions is key. To make the transition as short as possible. Respect everything equally and enjoy the privileges and the givens from your developed experiences from each aspect of the game of pool. Provided you have given equal time for everything. Knowledge; One thing doesn’t make you better for the other it just makes it new.

Michelle came to visit me at my job today. That was cool. She’s Goth, but wont admitted it. I like her Iguana. She really needs to get her Iguana laid though. She can content him but so much before he goes “hey, I got two of these things to satisfy not one”



Any comments?


February 5 2004 Thurday 2:58pm

Dry, wet, hollow...

The tip of my tongue…
There has to be something more to life than just this.
I think, maybe, I did something evil in a previous life. I have this restriction of living to my potential feeling again. Like some unknown force is preventing me from moving forward. What am I doing? Were is it all going? Maybe I am drama queening again. It’s not a full moon though. I haven’t eaten break feast yet ether. I always get this hollow feeling when I get over the-love-thing. It doesn’t happen to me often; getting over being in love. But I do remember this feeling; like it was yesterday. The last love I got over I didn’t have a girl friend for over ten years. I dated a lot though, but couldn’t trust any of them.

The problem with men is…
When a guy gives a girl an orgasm he thinks he’s Jesus. Women are better capable of dumping a good lay than a man is. A lot of men think “I did it to my women good” I feel secure, she will be loyal now; wrong. Young guys have a lot to learn about women.

Peeing on the Wild-Flower

That poor guy yesterday, I already knew what that relationship was all about the moment I made eye contact with his lady at the club. She sickened me. Most guys would have jumped at the chance to hit on that guys girl; I instead felt like buying him a drink and telling him he can do better.

The Wild flower and the Prince
Yesterday I went to this club with my buddy. A small out of the way place in the meat packing district were Celebes and other type of people who are involved with the public got to hide and have a good time socializing with out getting ask for an autograph. There was a pool table there. And there was this girl. She walked in with her boy friend, her boy friend was hot. She kept aiming in my direction even though I was dressed like a truck loader in the Bronx. She kept smiling and watching me play pool while her good looking man kept talking to her like she was really paying attention; not. He went to the men’s rooms, she got up off the bar stool holding the drink he bought her, walked over to my buddy sitting at the drink table by the pool table I was playing on by my self. She asks if he wanted to play pool. Now, I’m the one playing on the pool table by my self he’s not, and she asks him; whatever. I looked away just as she turned to me and said hi, I said hi back but didn’t look her in the face. My buddy said ok let’s play. She’s really slick. She was trying to pull that lets play double shit when her boyfriend comes out of the men’s room. I put the stick on the pool table and went outside to smoke. I smoked a whole cig; slowly, had a conversation with the bouncer, before I went back inside. I walked in and saw a little bit of a tiff happening at the pool table between my buddy and the hot guy. There were words coming from the hot guy like “did you ask her to play or did she ask you to play”? I walked over closer to the pool table with out saying a word and the guy looks at me and says; “oh I see…well that’s it…I’m leaving”. His girl friend looked surprised, she didn’t expect him to make a move like that. She looked at me cross with a I lost out on good thing just now, and she left with him. That was one cliché thrown out the window before it even began.

PS. I’m in trouble now... I gota get ballet tickets for me and Stephanie...gulp…We had a few drinks, and I learned a few new things about her. She has a very intresting history. And I see her now in a whole new light.

Any comments?


February 4 2004 Wed

the L word means "Meow"

.Pool. Beer. chicks, lindsy and the edge...More details later

Tuesday…Meow Mix and Edge bar ugly.
24 frames a second is within the norm of fluid smooth moving visuals in a film or digital movie camera. If you use 12 frames a second, your images will stutter and look jumpy. If you drink two bloody Maries 4 Amstel lights two Budweiser’s and a whole lot of tequila shots life will look like 6 frames a second.

Meow Mix
Was pretty drunk when we went to meow mix. It was Karaoke night. They had some cuties “L” words in there. Got more drunk with Michelle and Mike, watched some singing and bumbled out of there at about 1:30am. Went to the home base bar, that’s when things got crazy. Everybody was drunk there, and I mean everybody. George was there and he told me he joined some team at ace bar on Tuesday. At the bar, the girls were giving me free shots all night, people like to see me drunk. Whatever. At about 2:00am the bartenders were dancing on the bar tables like it was coyote ugly, these people were on something; so was I. I got ripped. Ill get into details later about the things that happened yesterday.


Good shot After work I went strait to Julep bar to watch Ronnie’s team shoot. Michelle is good. I walked in and saw Snow whites "seventh" hanging at the bar; bad karma. Then I had two Bloody Maries and a shot.

To tired to write 5:53pm
I got home at 4:30am in the mourning and still managed to make it to work on time, dam im good. More details later.


Any comments?


February 3 2004 Tuesday


.Pool. Beer. chicks, Douglas is now a cab driver....

1:30pm Tuesday about yesterday.
Looks like Rumble Fish did it again with a 5 to zero win. They killed that other team. And I wasn’t even there when it happened. Looks like the team can handle things with out the !@#$% and me. Brian is back down to a three. Aaron, Douglas, Anna, Oliver and Vinny can handle the pressure. It didn’t occur to me that everybody (save but Oliver) are experienced players and when the heat is on the bodies cool for a smooth xxxtory.
Six Amstels.. One for each point…I think…
I closed the lab at 10:30pm yesterday and floated over to the bar. The games were already done and I bought myself a beer. Then Valerie the bar tender bought me a beer, Then the captain of the other team Rumble Fish beat up bought me a beer and then Spencer walked in and bought me a beer for helping him with his computer problem. Did I mention lance bought me a beer and Adam bought me a beer. I didn’t have Turkey butt burgers to save me from beer over load. Well one beer lead to another and I was plastered on a Monday night 1:00am in the mourning at bar. Just call me George. My head is pounding.

I saw Stephanie yesterday. Mmmmmm. She's beautiful when I’m sober. Do you know how she looks to me when I’m drunk? Dangerous. I’m not going to drink anymore. Or at least not this mourning.

"Time to take a break from the APA",ZZZzzzZZzzzZZ. I have said this already, and I am, but, my team winning without me, hmm, there is something about that that bothers me a little. Not to much though. Still, I could of sworn the !@#$%% and me were the fire of the team. I guess not. Whatever.

They did it without me, perhaps I created something more than I realized. Good.

Any comments?



February 2 2004 Monday


No APA for me today...

Staying away from the APA today...let someone else handle it

Sneak attack....
People, They do strange things. Don’t you hate it. Don’t you love it.
Everybody around me suddenly seems dead. Fake, superficial. No I take that back. I feel, I don’t know what I’m feeling. Scared maybe. I see things too much. If I was blind it might be better. No it won’t. Love, I’m scared of love.

Arrogant, naive, unaware, wrong...6:30pm
It scared the shit out of me today. Somebody told me the same thing that random people have been telling me for the last couple of months; “you know William, your always Fucken right”.
A girl told me today at my job, “Your never wrong William your always right” and she says it sarcastically, even after I tried to help her when she asked for it. She needed help, she asked for it, upon doing so she got angry with me. Like she thought I was trying to make her look stupid or something. I have heard this before. More than once. That scared me. I did not know I came off that way. Maybe I don’t leave room for error. Or I should let error go. I feel dull right now. I think for a long time I have had the nasty habit of always correcting people when a correction is not the answer. Life right now is getting scary, wonderful, passionate, dangerous and long. Passion. People, They do strange things. Don’t you hate it? Don’t you love it?


8:00pm Hot or Not wants my money, I'm getting to many responses from teenage girls. Should I trust em with my credit card? Naaa.

Any comments?


February 1 2004 Sunday

"All things sweet and delicious are bad for you, so you might as well eat it’

Tired, back ache, pay bills. and a zit.

Feb 1 2004 1:23pm Sunday afternoon.

I went to the store, got four things. A box of Total, milk, oatmeal and eggs. Walked over To the express line. Behind me were two pleasantly full figured women with lots of chocolates candies and all sorts of different things of sweetness. As I wait my turn on the line, I listen to the two large Venus like beauties behind me talk about there health and how they are feeling right now. One of them said, “you think we should put some of this back, I think we might be over doing it” the other laughed and followed with,” all things delicious are bad for you, so you might as well eat it’. I will not forget this.

I am bleeding... again...7:11pm
I have an erg to whisper in her ear, “I new what you were before I new who you were”. I miss her sweet fragrance, her lovely walk and figure, her wicked stare when she goes down. I hate her for being these things. these things that I love. Its so hard. to keep away. Im almost tempted to follow. But it will lead to more of the unwanted.

Any comments?


February 1 2004 Sunday

Click the Image and see the trailer or go to the website UnFaithful

12:22 am

I think I’ll start this month with writing about something a little personal a little sexy and little…well you make the call. I touched myself today, to see if it’s working correctly. Then I watched a movie yesterday afternoon on cable. Un-faithful-the movie is called. It got me hot; then it scared me. I related to the young guy in the movie, but when he was murdered. This movie portraying the extremities of love and faithfulness and what it can do to a person is spooky. When somebody is unfaithful to there partner loved one or whatever, there is no control anymore, even when you think you are in control.

Your not driving and you don’t know what can happen. Have I been in control these last couple of months? If I haven’t, who cares. This is me now.


Any comments?