Why does Patrick always get to feel up the bartenders?

Thursday

Last night was a little annoying; I played killer with this pinched nerve stemming from the right side of the top of my neck all the way down to the middle of my back. The night went on slowly with strange behavior’s, small cocktail snacks of this coming side order season soap opera drama, and me being on two fouls with a ball in hand on the one playing nine ball. Should I water down my headaches with rational on starving people in china and at least having an option to drink water instead off whiskey? No. I will not settle today. I feel like I'm on a raft floating on a stream of wine with no paddle and just out of reach of the shore. I don’t want to get wet, but at least I can-and have the choice to swim. So yes, these things are my choice. I’m not bitching and moaning, if I was, I wouldn’t be writing about it on the web for all to read and feed back, “man that will, what a whiner.”  My throat hurts today, my eyes are in a daze and my thinking is all jumbled, I slept for maybe three hours last night/this-morning. Hung out to long, don’t know why, oh yes I do. Its sad the reason. I almost miss the days of I know people who know people. Then again, that is the reason why I am there in the first place. A place were one gets dismissed when he or she has out lived there immediate entertaining value for getting the ball in her hole. Back in 2003/2004 I would’ve just simply wrote, “ I need to get meaner and not be so forgiving and blah-blah-blah. Now I’m just predicting it, at first if effects my emotion or my emotional response is immediate, now, I am just sitting back and watching, still feeling it though, but familiar with it. Yet still, just watching is kind of mean.

Yeah I know…my updates have been kind of lazy.

Ok, so, I have been lately, drinking a lot, hit a few cigs here and there, don’t know why. My game comes and goes like a flickering bulb in an abandoned warehouse. Im having 4 cups of coffee a day, I’m eating twice as much as before and I have been having nightmares every other night. Hm? Depression maybe? Na. I don’t know what it is, though all of the above can be construed as self-destructive behavior.

Some people would rather be around sorts just to feel better about them selves. I don’t get plesure from such a loathly indulgence.

My mind has been running a marathon and physically I am 50/50. Its not as bad as it sounds, cause there has been lots of great things happening in my life as well. More good than bad that is for sure. Cause I’m still eating what I want when I want. I hang out with and hang all over beutyfull young women with no complaints. And at any given moment I just might shave my beard off…again, buy new shoes and maybe just maybe… get a new camera. My throat hurts. Weather changing.