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November 29th 2006 WED

No I didn’t fall off the earth.

I just been kind of handling stuff the best way I can, matters, people, drawing rooms, and things all at the same time.

Yumi Chung, John Smith and few other shots of my peeps I rarely get to see will be up shortly...

"My mama didn’t raise a dumbass. She raised me to be a good boy.

Good at what?

That all depends on who you are being good with or too."













November 25th 2006 Saturday. A little more about last Wed, Thursday and Friday night
I wonder whom I am kidding? I sense this new texture inside. Oh boy, feelings, how corny. I eat a lot and then I feel better, or maybe it was the activity that took my body and mind off of this mood I am in, this mood of blankness. Lately I have been relearning and . Its easy, and relearning it is taking me back to were I left off. Now that I am fully refreshed, I remember why I chose not to use it too much, browser issues, it’s not sexy when developing it visually, you are mostly encoding the images than anything else. Now that I know it, (CSS, JS) I really don’t have a reason to use it being that XHTML and some-CSS is doing most of what I want. Most, Hm? That might be a key word here. I am mostly happy but not fully with the way things are going with me right now. I’m healthy happy and whole but kind of empty inside. I must be carefull with what I wish for; maybe I should not look a gift horse in the mouth. I feel sad and mad and grateful at the same time. Things are good, but I don’t see then getting any better unless I change something drastically. I got plastered on Friday night, maybe just out of sheer boredom, or maybe I wanted to get numb, so I did. I got numb, thank goodness Eric came into the bar and took me home cause I would’ve woke up on the sidewalks of who knows were. What is numb? Being dumb? Why does one seek this numbness? All kinds of reasons I guess. Mine is simple to know but not so simple to execute. Fear? Fear might be the reason. Fear of what? If I new what then maybe I wouldn’t need to change anything…

2:00am Already on my fifth

3:00am Sara gives me another one

10:30am The Big Cinnamon Coffee Bun.

It's ok once a week... And with all the food in my stomach, The Old J was going down smoothly

Untill shot number 6 at around 3:00am.

At some point during the evening that I can hardly remember, I went across to the Sushi Joint to see some of my peeps.


Eric saves me.


I woke up still drunk... its not the first time.

But when I woke up... I was greeted with happy times for the Abominable Snowman.

good times...goodtimes



Wed night. Jason and few other of my peeps play the Qulifier

Thursday the Food was GooOOoooOoooOD

Jason is GOooOOoooOooOoD

Skills to pay the bills











November 22nd 2006 About last Monday and Tuesday and just little about thursday

I'll write more stuff later about Wed night and Thursday night.

1:45pm Thursday early Afternoon

Hm? Yeah, ya-know. I don’t know. Ok, so, here is my entry, on this early afternoon (1:45pm) on Thanksgiving Day. It’s raining outside, here, in D’uh boogie down. Turkey, it was an issue, a small one, for about two days, its over now, it’s really not the turkey that’s bothering me, much, sort of, maybe, or getting ready for dinner with family and friends, comrades, close acquaintances or whatever. I have been having a developing fervor in me lately on all kinds of levels. It started a little before October.

I over heard an old friend say the other day, “I have a temperature of a 101 degree’s”. I wanted to help but I know he wont let me, I felt bad, and I don’t see anyone making efforts to help him ether. I feel awful about it. Also, Tom has not called me back since his liberation, after making a final decision that’s probably been bugging him for the longest already. I am glad I was of some help, but now I feel a little dog-eared about it; just a little.

Sometimes I can be a real mannequin head. I want to help people all the time, my friends, my family ECT. Half of the time, when I am given an (or take the) opportunity to make a difference in ones liberation or health, afterward, I feel anomalous, imbalanced, one with no harmony, floating on my back in the middle of the ocean waiting for a rainstorm. My grandmother was a loving supportive person, feeding homeless people, giving money to dead beat relatives and neighbors, spoiling me rotten, maybe I don’t want to help anyone, it may be, I was influenced to help everyone? Or maybe I just have Spiderman complex? Anyway, I was ill, poisoned, about a month ago, since then, I have been feeling healthy and then feeling relapse and feeling good again and now I feel expressionless on this early afternoon of Thanksgiving. I feel imperceptive. I feel incensed. Its that weightiness you get in side of your torso, some were in the center, a solidity, like you want to yell or engage in some sort of activity involving running or some physical motion to vomit out that entity inside speaking to you not in words but in some alien internal body language.

My nephew came to my home today, to pick up a game controller, his was broken. While getting the controller for him I noticed he was fiddling with his jacket, “what wrong with your jacket I asked?’ He showed me a zipper was broken on one of the pockets. I fixed it by sewing on a new zipper, did it one-two-three. I got the sewing skills as well as cooking. He was happy, and then I gave him money to take a cab home and a few more extra bucks for his pocket. I love my nephew and I wanted to make his thanks giving a little more tolerable being he said to me while I was fixing pocket zipper, “ today so far is not such a good thanksgiving day”. I don’t know what his reason is for saying that, but I don’t know the exact reason why I am feeling a little blah as well.

End of essay (2:25pm)

7:50pm Thursday Night A little something...more later...

I just ate a Thanksgiving meal cooked by my mom … There is weight in my stomach that is heaver than the one in my being, I feel better. Had a meal with my brother and mother and now to faint. Oh wait I cant…got to go to Adrian and Serafina’s place. I hope I can make it; wait I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.

Sometimes, the days...

...just mush together.

So I Just eat and wait....and wait

APA Monday and Tuesday

Julie wins 13 games in a row....Not bad.

Eight on the break Ray Tuesday











November 19th 2006 Sunday. About this past Weekend

Jennie Chang ...

Beer And Whiskey, not a bad Combo

8films to die for

Sushi, $90 dollars...

Sake, $30 dollars

SAT Night : Oh My Stars... Jennie once used a claw bridge

Friday: Its been of late were people are snapping at me as if I robbed them of something and got away with it.

I am almost reluctant to respond to any verbal, casual communication; even about the weather cause I already see invitation for conflict. It’s funny watching the change of others around you.

It’s scary to experience this, change. Not wanting to let go of old ways. Ya can’t really see what’s ahead or perhaps you can and don’t want it. Safety in old ways, once you mastered it, most will not want to move on, comfort is what most seek.

Some are bold and brave and with much confidence in themselves for the future. Security is what we need to feel safe and a safety net to bail us out when things get to tuff.

Fucken trust fund kids, most of em make me sick.



Sat Morning: Lets see. Was up and running in the ungodly hour of 6:00am Saturday Morning. Saw some art of one of my fellow peeps and realized, “Hey why wasn’t I invited to this event?”  Then baby-sat kids four hours and hours on end. Then went to shoot pool and just made balls without thinking how to do it. I sunk 44 balls in a row before I missed a shot. Of course only one guy saw most of the whole thing. The last time I ran a table like that was about four years ago when pool was new to me. I stopped shooting, then went to bye ticket to a Horror fest and then went back to shoot some more only to see I couldn’t make a ball to save my life. I guess one can blow a load in something other than just sex.

The Art Show I was not Invited too

Sat afternoon: Adrian and Serafina were there. Serafina was spanking us, Serafina is getting good. Except wearing the headphone thingy cause she didn’t want to hear me inflict my religion and principles of pool anymore.

“Winning” as the objective slows your development, sure it’s a good motivation for practice but its practice that will get you wear you want to go with the game of pool, and when you get good at pool, winning will be inevitable along with winning your audience with a beautiful stroke and performance on the table. Winning is just more than just winning the game, what ever that is, its winning the buoyancy and conviction of your abilities of those around you.

The strength of your influence can tell you were you are and wear you are going, sometimes.


Later, I went to see 8films to die for with some peeps, Anja, Jennie, Jimmy and a few others. It should have been called 8films to cry for; those movies were so lame compared to there advertisement.

One was a Russian foreign horror film and the other was something like made for video cause it just wouldn’t cut it on the Hollywood big screen.

Both movies had something in there about life going full circle or something, whatever.

The films were named “Abandon and Penny Dreadful”. I had enough Russian horror for one day and enough dreadful-ness to last the rest of the month.

The highlite of the movie...Anja's popcorn skills..

Afterward it was Sushi and Saki and Jack and Jameson and Buds. I hadn’t had a drink in about a month so I figured its ok to have a few.

We all had a large one before Penny Dreadful and then Jennie and I had some Sake and then some Jack-Daniels and then some Jameson.


Then one more Horror movie called- -

Jennie regretfu-ll-of Whiskey

Much like the other movie ‘Penny dreadful’ about a girl who is trapped in car wedged between two trees, a dead body in the driver seat and a killer waiting for her on the outside, the other movie, ‘Jennie Regretful’, is about a young lady who weighs about 115 pounds and drank about two pounds of booze and got stuck in her car with a killer waiting for her on the outside, a killer hangover.

I had a small one myself but that’s ok, I hadn’t had a drink in over a month and I have been sleeping better so it’s all-good. Your integrity for handling booze gets stronger when you drink in moderation.


A bridge covers the gap between two ends or two beginings

6AM on Saturday


I ran 44 balls ia a row today

Then later Serafina tears me and Adrian some new ones..

Jennie discovering Jameson...


Jennie regretfu-

-ull of Whiskey











November 17th 2006 Friday

I can fend for myself…

or so I was told this about 10 years ago some were on the road in an iHop. Today, I saw Emi and Gina on the way going home from my Tuesday night match. My old dear friends, it was van-tastic. My body is relapsing form the booze and lack of coffee; yes still. From 4 cups a day to one. On Tuesday while night drinking my Virgin Mary. Aki says “you need a break” I don’t know if she meant a break from taking a break or continue with what I am doing. I have been studying new Internet languages and it’s giving me a headache. Yesterday I went to bed three in the morning and did the same on Monday as well; I can feel it already, its bad. Today I will sleep lovely. I need more sleep. More rest. It’s too soon to go back into the whole Zombie thing, even though it was nice bumping into Emi and Gina randomly on an empty Tuesday night street 1:00pm in the morning. I really miss the road, the travel.

On Wed I got robbed,

not by man but by machine. I think I ended up feeding a family of six from now until Christmas. Looks like little Billy is going to get the Lego set and grandma is going to get that rocking chair and dear old dad is going to get that twin blade lawnmower, compliments of malfunctioning ATM machines. What a nightmare. It got resolved today. Still, some family out there is going to have a great holiday.











November 15th 2006 Wednesday. About Last Night.

Lucky Jacks

Pumpkin Pancakes, Pumpkin Shoes

Pumpkin Pool Table










November 14th 2006 About Monday night


I dont have pity for strong people.

The only gulity thing I did tonight, was almost drink a cup of coffee I really did not want or need.


Theres come a point when late turns into early.


Mercy is not weak, Mercy is a test of metal and honor.


I Love my cheese cake;)













November 11th 12th 2006 Sunday night Monday morning . About Sat and Today.

I had coffee for the first time in about three or so odd weeks since my chicken and James poisoning a week before Halloween. I feel better, stronger, and a little smarter; all due too sleep no booze, no vitamin supplements and no hanging till three in the morning six days a week on three hours of sleep, been doing that for the last four years, time to take a break, this is good except there is one thing that’s kind of bugging me.

Since my retreat to the domestic life style rest thing. I noticed in the land of domestic Zombie people. People, with high maintenance standards for mediocre domestic living basics are really annoying, thses standards seem more lie issues to me. One example of this issue is, not liking how your salami is being cut at the deli. I wanted to make a sandwich today so I went to the local deli in my hood, at the deli this dude and his wife was in front of me asking for ham, cheese and salami. The deli guy cut the ham cheese and salmon pretty good, but the pain in the ass guy did not like the way the salami was cut. The salami was to thick according to the pain in the ass, but the six people behind him waiting their turn to make an order saw that it was a good cut. The pain in the ass said, “this salami needs to be thinner”, so instead of being satisfied the salami was cut 1.5 centimeters thick the pain in the ass wanted it one-centimeter thick.

Man, people like that; who makes a big deal out mediocrity, to me? This is the pronouncement of petty mind thinking, dude? Get a fucken life. I’d-hate to be married to a guy like that, mind you, his wife was standing there the whole time he was bitching and moaning about his salami being to thick, she didn’t say a word she just looked embarrassed. Can you imagine? “I made you a sandwich honey.” “Huh, the ham is not square enough and its to thick, I can’t eat this I’m sorry.”  I bet you his mother took the crust off of his bread when she made him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich in his childhood.

This guy would comprise love and care for petty preference at the coast of a loved ones feelings. Believe it or not, I do know a few people who would compromise their health for detrimental recreation, like smoking. We all do unhealthy things once in a while but to live that way for to long a time? Anyway I got so annoyed I walk away and opt to cook instead.

Coffee makes me happy. Weather its Kudos beans, from the bodega or instant, it all freaking beans…

I dont mind cooking up a 20 minute meal.









November 10th 2006 Friday About Last Thursday Night. First we played, then we ate, then we went Bad..



These shinny New Balls were fresh out of the factory. New Plastic Smell.

Cheers Kaylip

Oh the Shame of Bridge Usage

Theres crowd A

Theres crowd B

And then theres CROWD C

the bad kids crowd

"We do bad stuff, for kicks!" Says bad kid crowd C Jason...

AKI's Bar....Hmmmm? Bad Kid Crowd C Aki needs to put her shirt back on...


"All This Red gives me a-'F'-inn-headache!"

Say Bad kid crowd C Julie

"I gota-headache for some red too"

Says Bad kid crowd C William


Ruby Red, Julie Red, Juby Red...


Oh Mama!!! We ate all of it...

Eight On the Break Jason...













November 8th 2006 Wed

Jenn Seracuse

Even though I was not drinking, I still get drunk looking at Jenn

You can take the Cell Phone out of the ghetto but you cant take the ghetto out of the cell phone. I grew up in the ghetto, the projects, the south-Bronx, I got out, or so I thought.

Cell phone offices around the city offer Cell phones, user accounts (minutes and free weekends and so on), packages with a standard two-year contract and options for different kinds of cell phone styles like Blackberries Palm-pilots and whatever else-small device you talk too. Then they have those other places were they sell cell phones with cell phone company-logos and posters slaped and smothering the store walls, but, the store itself is not actually a official cell phone home office company. Anyway, both official and un-official cell phone business are both dreadful places to do dealings with. Especially since now you can’t live life without a cell phone. These places are like Mc Donald’s, all the people who work there are barley legal hooligan kids from the projects. The people that work in these places are so-so sketchy, even the managers are shadey. Ya- got these ghetto kids working behind the counter with a computer that has access to a server some were on planet earth with all your important information about you on it, meaning your address date of birth and social security number. I really don’t feel comfortable knowing that the burro thug behind the computer register can take my S.S.N and tag it on a toilet stall partition or sell it to some hacker kid in whatever foreign country and use my identity for the next shipment of 24 sweatshop workers for canal street. I went to update my phone the other day and damn, what a reality check I got. No matter whom I turned to in there for assistance, it was a guarantee I was going to be addressed with “Nah-Yo, I don’t now if your phone is PC or Mac compatible dawg, what-eva-dat-means, why don’t-ya-get-dis-one, dere’s a speaker on the front, (like a Cell phone boom box) so you and everyone around you can listen to your tunes!”

Wed Lunch

Todays special

Sumtin-made with Fish, Rice and Seaweed

It was good, Rice, Fish and Seaweed in any comb is like a Ghetto Sushi.











November 5th 2006 Sunday

Michelle's last Day

Douglas is an alky at heart

Serafina is going to the Gym now.












November 5th 2006 Sunday

Michelle's last day at the E-Bar will be this Monday Nov 5th 2006

Come in and do shots with her for the road.

"Bye Ronnie" May 2004












November 5th 2006 Sunday

It could be the lack of Booze, and coffee in my system and getting decent nights rest. But for some reason, the last couple of years of my life is starting to look like. Well… the last couple of years. I have written a few times before in past entries how sometimes when I don’t sleep healthy for long periods of time the days last longer than 24 hours, even when I go to bed and wake up I am still in that day I lay to sleep. Sometimes yesterday never leaves and stepping out of bed seems like page one continued, like 24 hours goes into hour 25 then hour 26 then hour 27 and then I am on hour 253 and still feeling hour 14. Now that I have actually dreamt, every day for the last week and remember what I have dreamt, waking up a little refreshed is kind of resetting my thoughts and ideas about what I am doing and what I have been doing theses last few years and were I am going now. I am going on two weeks on no stimuli (coffee) and no liquid downers (booze) except maybe tea in the afternoon. I played with Aki on Friday night at the pool hall and my game was a bit on the not there side. I shot with little enthusiasm for the ball in the hole but still manage to get it in there, muscle memory I guess. I feel the weight coming on. Why isn’t Julie wearing her new coat?

Anyway I just got on one of my MySpace buddies space and saw some of the Halloween pics of the party she threw invites out too. I kind of wanted to go and bring some of the team but my health and sensibilities wouldn’t let me. I was glad I got the rest but a little bummed I didn’t go. The reasons for not going is not what is bothering me. What bothering me is what I have re-discovered about myself for not going? Its been what? 6 years since I have been in the bar scene, the pool scene? Its always in the end is when you think about the beginning. Wow, it is amazing what 8 hours of sleep a day for weeks in a row along with not drinking and cinnamon bun bubble bath can do for the brain.

All dried up.

Its always in the end is when you think about the beginning.











November 4th 2006 Saturday. About Friday Night.

Are we in BBQ or Bedrock?

Im not going to brag, and people who know me-know I am not in the habit of beating my drum about anything, except about one thing, I know how to cook, very well, so well I can be a chef in any 3-star resturaunt in NYC, I think. Cooking is a science.

Who knows this game?











November 3rd Friday 2006. About Last Thursday Night
Still Not a Hundred percent...But whatever.

Practiced Last Night

Theres no shame In a bridge

As long as it bridges the gap

Between two points

Aki Loves Burgers

I am so glad Julie is wearing her new coat...


MTA Robert says ZzzZZzzZZZzZZZz.

Yeah Thats what I felt like after I ate Lunch

Serafina Gets Tipped

Willys first Qualifier

Burger Time

My Stomach is Back

So I test the waters











November 2st 2006

Why does always hold her finger when she gives us the feed? Is she going to fart afterward? Or does she want us to pull it for her?












October 31st/November 1st 2006

Now, a respiratory infection due to the food and Alcohol poisoning I had last Monday. No party for me. Must go to bed. Right before sunset on Halloween night I made a mad-dash for the train before I go and inflicted some more abuse on my poor beat up body. Who the hell is not going to drink on Halloween Night in NYC? Booze and penicillin don’t mix. I think time is starting to catch up with me. Too much booze and smoke. I had my options to do the loud and crazy, see all the sexy costumes and stuff, but I go home take a bath in my pumpkin paradise slather and slept instead. By 11:00pm I was in dreamland. Slept well too. I’m glad I did, cause I know I’d be paying for it today if I didn’t.

I haven’t had a cup of coffee, d’uh juice or cigs in over a week. Been eating a lot though, WeEeEeEe! I didn’t quit anything, I’m just de-toxing, I have to or its curtains. I might be coffee relapsing, maybe. The penicillin made me break out, I look like a hormonal teenager, and I’m also waking up under a circus tent. My Tuesday team had a bye; WeeEEEeEEe.  I haven’t been off on Tuesday for years.











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