Good
bye January 2005..... Old dreams Really did die wow....FeBruAry
2005
...More
on Love about last night...1 28 05
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.....Peg
Jumpers....
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.....1
27 05...wakeing up...
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The Ice King is back....
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| Whisky
Makes William a Drunken boy very fast... I learned this...three
shots is all it takes
and a few buds and im bobbling around like a wino. I did
drunken dial and though I was high on booze I still had
feelings...geez what the point of getting drunk if ya still
feel sober on the inside? I don’t like being kicked
when I’m down and that’s what been going on
these last few weeks by people who I need to be there.
I put my dukes down and I get hit in the face instead of
getting a drink of water and a dry towel for the sweat
from my coach. I played a little pool and with the regulars
for some booze. I fell asleep on the train on the way home
and woke up four stops past my stop. I woke up hung over
and angry with myself for allowing thing to go unchecked.
I don’t know how some people can do it. Be fearless
in loosing something important with out feeling bad. I
feel terrible. I don’t like to embrace ego. Its bad
for your game but maybe ego can numb your feeling of lose.
Ego is like a natural drug. It helps when you lose something.
It makes you stronger to deal with the harsh realties of
brittle commitments. I hate wasting my time. Hate in this
case is a strong word steaming from ego. What’s going
on William? It’s been six months and I am still in
a haze of vague wording on thing I cant directly about. |
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I
didn’t
get what I needed so the ice King comes out again....
Terms of enlightenment
I had to do it. If I need you and you can’t be there
for reason you can’t
help, then I have to deal with it. But if I know you are purposely ignoring me
in my time of difficulty just for your own amusement, then this is when I get
enlightened. Like any other kind of love, friendship can be lost within our lives
due to neglect or anger or lying or sometimes, simply circumstances. However
it is lost, we often lose a part of ourselves that can never quite be recovered.
Platonic love is very much a part of any close friendship. But such a love doesn't
always stay platonic. Sometimes it turns into passionate love or a complete disaster.
The boundaries between friendships can be beautiful, extremely difficult and
sometimes deadly. I’m Crazy...I’m Gemini
I don’t
even want to post up yesterday Morning...Maybe I will put
some pics up later about late last night but yesterday
was harder than any Triannual pool match I have ever played,
whisky played a big part of the ending of the day but that
was just
me seeking numbness, instead I got dumbness in its place.
I was drunk and felt alone and scared and I played like Mr.
cool. So cool I turned into ice and got lost in a maze snow
5o feet high...I needed my loved ones and my loved one seemed
too busy for me, like sleeping, or just simply," oh thats
william being a little drama queen again. I was drunk so
I cant really tell or remember; stupid drunk dialing. That’s
ok man. I have been here before and I have made the ball
in the pocket with out scratching anyway. Seasons come and
seasons go...when the shit hits the fan I will made of ice
and snow. No Drama but I lost something I might have never
really needed anyway. More ice...Wow Maybe I am a glutton
for punishment. I do the things I do not to hurt but to prevent
things from happening sometimes, disastrous things.
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About
Wed Night: Whisky, Vodka, Beer, and real cold weather.
Everybody around me was so dam warm with each other and I getting
the cold feed back over the cell phone standing outside...
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A
little warmth and Pool
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Mitch
and Bill Team Stick it in Killers
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I
have a lot on my mind and I need some of what my buddies
are giving each other...
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....Rumblefish
Won 3 of 5....1 24 05....... |
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1
24 05...About last Friday Night .........Sleep Late......
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....1
23 05....Sunday Pajama's… |
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People
saw me in my Pajamas… |
The
trash compactor is was down the hall on my floor and
there are many apartments doors, two elevators and
two staircase exits between my door and the trash compactor.
I had to throw out the garbage and I didn’t feel like changing for that.
So I chanced it and walked very fast down the hall in my pajamas to throw out
the garbage. Of course garbage starts falling out of the bag. I have to pick
up the garbage falling out of the bag. The elevator door opens, people flood
out of it, apartment doors open people are coming out into the hall and people
start to come out into the hall from the stair case, yup it turned into grand
central station in my always 90% of the time empty hallway, and I am standing
in the middle of it in my Pajamas being stared at by a million people. |
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After
the PJ Incident I went to my match…Pirahna won 4
out 5 games then I went to Eric’s and Michelle’s
to take off my sneakers and stink up the place. Peebehind
the
radiator
and sleep… |
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...The
trouble with love is it dosent care how hard you fall...
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The
Snowy Day...I think I will go and play with Jack. Jack Forst.
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| Ok
here is another one from Serafina |
  People
fall in love with “hoes”, or people
that one wouldn’t expect them to fall in love with because we
can’t control love. We logically try to reason why
we love someone, but if we don’t love someone, we can
use the same reasons to explain that. Not that love can’t
be explained, but I don’t think that we’re capable
of explaining it now, we don’t understand the biological
mechanisms behind it, so we try to reason through it- like
when we love someone we think about good aspects of them-
and these are frequently the same things we later end up
hating (like that guy with the really cute and later really
annoying Boston accent). So yeah, that’s gotta be it-
some kind of chemical reaction type thing that we later try
to psychologically account for. So it’s not that people
just fall in love with whores and assholes all the time,
it’s just that sometimes they do and that’s when
we question it, but those are the same reasons that they
fall in love with someone sweet and awesome and all that,
we just can accept that because we can logically explain
that, even though in the end it’s not actually because
of any of those reasons that love happens. |
| Ok..now
we are rolling...why
dont you tell me what is thing called love? | Read
More Hoe stuff Here |
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...The
trouble with love is it dosent care how hard you fall... |
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 Cellular….
It’s ok…ya-know.
I understand, it’s not right anyway. Why should you anyway?
There’s no reason too. What for. I shouldn’t want
you too anyway. It’s not right for me to want you too.
I am not mad at you. I am a little mad at myself, not much but
just a little for wanting you too. Why would I want you too?
That’s the real problem with me isn’t it? The “I-want” part.
What kind of gasoline is the want? What is it made of? How does
it taste? Have I eaten it before? I lost my hunger quickly though.
I shouldn’t want you too. There’s no reason you should
anyway. No real reason at all. Maybe if I was a girl it would
be different; maybe. Nothing would of come out of it even if
you did. We both know it is not going to happen. So what would
be the point in pretending something might come out of it. Example:
I kept giving George chances, he broke promises and kept behaving
the same way, I got so angry at him I kicked him off the team
more than once, My anger was my fuel to give him another chance
later with out realizing that’s what I was doing, giving
him another chance with anger and yelling. Spending so much emotion
on “why George why” only resulted in me calming down
and giving him another chance again. I didn’t
even speak to him for a year once, but still took him
back anyway after
I thought he learned that I meant it. Still after awhile
when I put him back on the team he went back to his
old mode of bad
behavior again. Still I took him back like a sucker
believing his word when he swore on our friendship,
still he broke his
promise. He is now black listed from the APA; and I
didn’t
even get really mad, more like pity. It all came back to him.
Its funny how it all came back to him when I didn’t have
anything left in me to give anymore. What goes around comes around.
My giving him so many chances became so-too-appoint were it was
way past me being a sucker, a chump or a glutton for abuse. That
whole thing was more like I was trying to learn a shot on the
table and I wasn’t getting it correctly. I kept doing it
over and over again until I learned why I was missing the shot
then I fix it so I wont miss it anymore. I have learned how to
fix things so I wont miss it anymore. I have learned. I know
this because I kicked the nasty habit of waiting for it to happen,
the learning part. I don’t have that feeling any more;
waiting. That waiting feeling; it scared me a little; I almost
miss it. It’s more like an acceptance now. Like the only
way this will work on my terms if I just let it go. It is in
my nature to put myself aside for other in any given moment I
think this is a little bit of a problem in my character or maybe
just a my burden. People walk over me when I do this too much.
If I want more things in life to be there for me when I need
it or do it when its convenient for me then I have to get rid
of my old habits. I have learned to broaden my options without
fear of the results. To except it and with the results as the
cushion for any blow. People deliberately live off of my attention.
I know my attention is sharp and focused when I want it to be.
But when you dump me at your whim or when its convenient for
you, don’t expect me to give it back, because like I said
before, when I wanted to give George another chance I just couldn’t
find it in me to do so no matter how desperate I got to try and
find it, To try and pick up the Cell and call, and that’s
when I got scared. I thought I lost something in me, but I know
I didn’t lose anything at all. |
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 Today
is a very snowy and cold day...It's funny how when you
finalize things the weather reflects
in one way or another...I was watchung Tv when this Video
came on i down loaded the song, its nice...
"Stupid
Girl"
Album: Year of the Spider
Artist: Cold |
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 About
week ago I got some drama over the phone...I thought
it was...I dont know. I listen and made some sugestions,
and when that when things got cold...next time I will
go with it and not get so smart...
"So
Cold"
Album: We Are Not Alone
Artist: Breaking Benjamin |
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 I
like myself...I know I dont want to hurt anyone...Thats
why I do the things I do...it's to prevent from people
getting hurt...I have eight players now.
"I
Will Survive"
Album: Fashion Nugget
Artist: Cake |
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...More
on Love about last night...1 21 05
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Help
me Obi wan Kenobi you’re
my only hope.
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is thick and I am not alone I see old footsteps
in front of me. But there not mine. At least in this
matter. I thought I was the only one who experienced
this thing called love. Somebody told me something
yesterday I thought I would never hear from anybody
else. It is amazing how you learn about some people.
Defense mechanisms come in all outlines. Trust is important.
Love affects your judgment. Love is blind or it clears
things up. My head and thoughts and thinking are thick
and murky these last few weeks, I am barely sleeping
these days. I am dreaming about bugs again, this is
a bad sign. Dreams with bugs indicated illness, sadness,
anger, and worries. My eyes are blood shot red in the
prime of the past days. If I draw back into happy funny
clown mode in my wake this would be just me in denial
of how I am really feeling. She’s got no glow
anymore. I know myself already. When I get goofy it
means I am sad inside. Some people behave differently
when they are scared or sad inside. I got so drunk
yesterday, Whiskey shots with Eric. With lots of Buds.
I need to scream on top of a hill all my thoughts and
fears. I feel stupid. I walk around feeling stupid.
I am aching inside. I think I can easily put the bag
of bricks down. But that is evil. If I treat it like
business then I would be lying to myself. At least
I am not waiting anymore. Now I am dealing with it.
this is who I am. |
Thursday Night/Friday Morn 2:30am |
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Drunk on Whiskey and Buds |
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Peter
Parker loves Mary Jane because it doesn't matter
how many people you've slept with or what you've gone
through as a person - as long as you have a
personality or an aura that appeals to others, you
will keep your lovers attracted to you.
Peter Parker saw something in Mary Jane that he liked
- what does it matter that it doesn't make sense from
the outside? Who are we to question the love or
choices of others? |
Why...That
is... So so so WACK!!!!....I think I can get something
better than this...please someone try again.... |
| Ok here is another one I got emailed a
link two by Ken
Raggio |
An
Essay about LOVE
Love by Ken
I would like to share my personal observations about LOVE.
Much has been said about love, but if you search the horizon,
you will discover that most of the things written about love
are either pithy or cynical.
Society in general can be cruel and heartless toward real virtue
of any kind. In the most popular venues, love is seldom dealt
with with any degree of sobriety. Modern humor mocks marriage,
husbands and wives, then glorifies every conceivable breech
of virtue, such as sexual immorality, profane and obscene values.
Real love is a mystery to most people. Most people never
realize the true potential or value of love, nor do they
learn to practice
the art of love. It is usually very poorly defined. People
think they are in love, but they can’t explain it.
There is a great deal of confusion and cross-referencing
of the terms
LOVE, ROMANCE, INFATUATION, AFFECTION, TENDERNESS and so
forth.
Love may include romance, infatuation, affection and tenderness.
But even if those elements are not present, it could still
be love.
A lot of people will tell you that they are in love, or that
they have been in love, but there is a huge disparity between
one person’s definition of love and another’s. |
| Ok..
thats not so bad... now give me something real juicy...someone...anyone... |
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.....1
20 05...wakeing up...
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First
response at 4:30pm One
way of dealing with it is
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If ya cant get em... |
2 -
scare em away....far far away... |
3 -
...out of site... |
4 -
...out of mind... |
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.....1
20 05...I cant sleep...
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12:00
pm Did stuff today then workedwith my Guru Alexa...
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The
All Mighty Alexa Danner sits and waits for my question
on the matters of love... |
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Please
give me some off your brian on this matter |
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  I
am dizzy...from the moment I woke up. I keep
thinking about love. I am dreaming it. And I am fighting it.
I think of Peter Parker and wonder how can he love Mary Jane
so much, she had been with so many men and loved so many other
men but still this man named peter parker loves her dearly
like there is no one else around, I will ask around. Love is
heavy in my head. I hate it I hate it I hate it. not love but
the fact that it is heavy in my head. I liked it better when
I was the ice king. How can you love some one who loves others
and not you. Why chase some one who loved so much and not love
you. Why do you want some one who wants others and not want
you. I need help with this. This is keeping me up at night.
All is full of love. I love and I love and I love and all I
get is pain. All I get is dizzy. And all I get is alone. |
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got semi hunged up on...semi not all the way |
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Good job Will, good
job. |
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...The
snowy night...1 19 05
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the
snow
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....Stuff
I did in the bar....I spend too much time in the bar....
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A
little bullshit drama then off to the matches...
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....My
New Sunday team 1 18 05.....
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...Another
day another 50cents....1 16 05
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I
will update in a few days...say Tuesday night? been really busy
starting my new Sunday team and doing other things.
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...Today
Friday stuff i did...1 15 05
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Ali
is Awsome!!! Douglas has Skills Nell is really hot and my peeps
are full of love....
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...Chi
Day about last night...1 14 05...
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Yesterday
was the anniversary of ChiYun lee's new Version of life...Long
Live Chi!!!!
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Its
Me...
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And
my new jacket
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I
needed something nice
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New
Fat Jacket
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treat my self to something
nice |
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Its Her... |
...The
one who walks into my lab and looks like this... |
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For
her art show opening .... she took a bath in green tea in
a small bucket...I stood for that show
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...The
Team...1 11 05....
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Back
to the Triannuals...third times the Charm!!!
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The
Winners !!!
Team Stick-It-In
Rock
Star Bill got the first game,
we
lost the second game
we
lost the third game,
William
got the fourth game,
Ronnie
took it home for the win!!!
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