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More on the love. 1 - 28 - 05
Peg Jumpers
About last night Friday


Dear three company gang


You guy's is great..


love, guest of the week


Rumble Fish 05





1 27 05
Ice not so nice


I woke up hung over and angry with myself for allowing thing to go unchecked. I don’t know how some people can do it. Be fearless in loosing something important with out feeling bad. I feel terrible. I don’t like to embrace ego. Its bad for your game but maybe ego can numb your feeling of lose.

Ego is like a natural drug. It helps when you lose something. It makes you stronger to deal with the harsh realties of brittle commitments. I hate wasting my time. Hate in this case is a strong word steaming from ego. What’s going on William? It’s been six months and I am still in a haze of vague wording on thing I cant directly about.

Whisky Makes William a Drunken boy very fast.. I learned this.. three shots is all it takes and a few buds and I'm bobbling around like a wino. I did a drunken dial and though I was high on booze I still had feelings...geez what's the point of getting drunk if ya still feel sober on the inside? I don’t like being kicked when I’m down and that’s what been going on these last few weeks by people who I need to be there. I put my dukes down and I get hit in the face instead of getting a drink of water and a dry towel for the sweat from my coach. I played a little pool and with the regulars for some booze. I fell asleep on the train on the way home and woke up four stops past my stop.

I didn't’t get what I needed so the ice King comes out again... Terms of enlightenment
I had to do it. If I need you and you can’t be there for reason you can’t help, then I have to deal with it. But if I know you are purposely ignoring me in my time of difficulty just for your own amusement, then this is when I get enlightened. Like any other kind of love, friendship can be lost within our lives due to neglect or anger or lying or sometimes, simply circumstances. However it is lost, we often lose a part of ourselves that can never quite be recovered. Platonic love is very much a part of any close friendship.

But such a love doesn't always stay platonic. Sometimes it turns into passionate love or a complete disaster. The boundaries between friendships can be beautiful, extremely difficult and sometimes deadly. I’m Crazy...I’m Gemini

I don’t even want to post up yesterday Morning...Maybe I will put some pics up later about late last night but yesterday was harder than any Triannual pool match I have ever played, whisky played a big part of the ending of the day but that was just me seeking numbness, instead I got dumbness in its place. I was drunk and felt alone and scared and I played like Mr. cool. So cool I turned into ice and got lost in a maze snow 5o feet high...I needed my loved ones and my loved one seemed too busy for me, like sleeping, or just simply," oh that's william being a little drama queen again. I was drunk so I cant really tell or remember; stupid drunk dialing. That’s ok man. I have been here before and I have made the ball in the pocket with out scratching anyway. Seasons come and seasons go...when the shit hits the fan I will made of ice and snow. No Drama but I lost something I might have never really needed anyway. More ice...Wow Maybe I am a glutton for punishment. I do the things I do not to hurt but to prevent things from happening sometimes, disastrous things.


About Wed Night: Whisky, Vodka, Beer, and real cold weather. Everybody around me was so dam warm with each other and I getting the cold feed back over the cell phone standing outside..





Rumble Fish
a win tonight. weee


I will have lots of things to right about love in a little while, right now Rumble fish Won 3 of 5 why don't you tell me what is thing called love? | Read More Hoe stuff Mark Kissed George..





About last Friday Night
sleep late


Just hanging

Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful

Jessica and Nell are Beautiful

Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful Jessica and Nell are Beautiful

and so are the rest of my peeps





Pajama Party around my pants


Party pJ's

The trash compactor is down the hall out side of my apartment front door and there are many apartments doors in between the compactor and my front door and there are also two elevators and two staircase exits as well between my door and the trash compactor; its a long long hallway.

I had to throw out the garbage, and I didn't’t feel like changing for that. So I chanced it and walked very fast down the hall in my pajamas to throw out the garbage.

Of course, garbage starts falling out of the bag right in the middle of the hall. I have to pick up the garbage falling out of the bag. The elevator door opens, people flood out of it, apartment doors open people are coming out into the hall and people start to come out into the hall from the stair case as well, yup it turned into grand central station in my always 90% of the time empty hallway, and I am standing in the middle of it in my Pajamas being stared at by a million people.




A Saturday
The trouble with love is it doesn't care how hard you fall


By Serafina: People fall in love with “hoes”, or people that one wouldn't’t expect them to fall in love with because we can’t control love. We logically try to reason why we love someone, but if we don’t love someone, we can use the same reasons to explain that.
Not that love can’t be explained, but I don’t think that we’re capable of explaining it now, we don’t understand the biological mechanisms behind it, so we try to reason through it- like when we love someone we think about good aspects of them- and these are frequently the same things we later end up hating (like that guy with the really cute and later really annoying Boston accent). So yeah, that’s gotta be it- some kind of chemical reaction type thing that we later try to psychologically account for. So it’s not that people just fall in love with whores and ass holes all the time, it’s just that sometimes they do and that’s when we question it, but those are the same reasons that they fall in love with someone sweet and awesome and all that, we just can accept that because we can logically explain that, even though in the end it’s not actually because of any of those reasons that love happens.
Cellular…. It’s ok…ya-know.
I understand, it’s not right anyway. Why should you anyway? There’s no reason too. What for. I shouldn't’t want you too anyway. It’s not right for me to want you too. I am not mad at you.

I am a little mad at myself, not much but just a little for wanting you too. Why would I want you too? That’s the real problem with me isn't’t it? The “I-want” part. What kind of gasoline is the want? What is it made of? How does it taste? Have I eaten it before? I lost my hunger quickly though. I shouldn't’t want you too. There’s no reason you should anyway. No real reason at all. Maybe if I was a girl it would be different; maybe. Nothing would of come out of it even if you did. We both know it is not going to happen. So what would be the point in pretending something might come out of it. Example: I kept giving George chances, he broke promises and kept behaving the same way, I got so angry at him I kicked him off the team more than once, My anger was my fuel to give him another chance later with out realizing that’s what I was doing, giving him another chance with anger and yelling. Spending so much emotion on “why George why” only resulted in me calming down and giving him another chance again. I didn't’t even speak to him for a year once, but still took him back anyway after I thought he learned that I meant it. Still after awhile when I put him back on the team he went back to his old mode of bad behavior again. Still I took him back like a sucker believing his word when he swore on our friendship, still he broke his promise. He is now black listed from the APA; and I didn't’t even get really mad, more like pity. It all came back to him. Its funny how it all came back to him when I didn't’t have anything left in me to give anymore. What goes around comes around. My giving him so many chances became so-to-a-point were it was way past me being a sucker, a chump or a glutton for abuse. That whole thing was more like I was trying to learn a shot on the table and I wasn't’t getting it correctly. I kept doing it over and over again until I learned why I was missing the shot then I fix it so I wont miss it anymore. I have learned how to fix things so I wont miss it anymore. I have learned. I know this because I kicked the nasty habit of waiting for it to happen, the learning part. I don’t have that feeling any more; waiting. That waiting feeling; it scared me a little; I almost miss it. It’s more like an acceptance now. Like the only way this will work on my terms if I just let it go. It is in my nature to put myself aside for other in any given moment I think this is a little bit of a problem in my character or maybe just a my burden. People walk over me when I do this too much. If I want more things in life to be there for me when I need it or do it when its convenient for me then I have to get rid of my old habits. I have learned to broaden my options without fear of the results. To except it and with the results as the cushion for any blow.

People deliberately live off of my attention. I know my attention is sharp and focused when I want it to be. But when you dump me at your whim or when its convenient for you, don’t expect me to give it back, because like I said before, when I wanted to give George another chance I just couldn't’t find it in me to do so no matter how desperate I got to try and find it, To try and pick up the Cell and call, and that’s when I got scared. I thought I lost something in me, but I know I didn't’t lose anything at all.


Today is a very snowy and cold day...It's funny how when you finalize things the weather reflects in one way or another ...I was watching Tv when this Video came on i down loaded the song, its nice...

"Stupid Girl"
Album: Year of the Spider
Artist: Cold

About week ago I got some drama over the phone...I thought it was...I don't know. I listen and made some suggestions, and when that when things got time I will go with it and not get so smart..

"So Cold"
Album: We Are Not Alone
Artist: Breaking Benjamin

I like myself...I know I don't want to hurt anyone...Thats why I do the things I's to prevent from people getting hurt...I have eight players now.

"I Will Survive"
Album: Fashion Nugget
Artist: Cake






1 - 21 - 05


Thursday Night/Friday Morn 2:30am

It is thick and I am not alone I see old footsteps in front of me. But there not mine. At least in this matter. I thought I was the only one who experienced this thing called love. Somebody told me something yesterday I thought I would never hear from anybody else. It is amazing how you learn about some people. Defense mechanisms come in all outlines. Trust is important. Love affects your judgment. Love is blind or it clears things up. My head and thoughts and thinking are thick and murky these last few weeks, I am barely sleeping these days. I am dreaming about bugs again, this is a bad sign. Dreams with bugs indicated illness, sadness, anger, and worries. My eyes are blood shot red in the prime of the past days. If I draw back into happy funny clown mode in my wake this would be just me in denial of how I am really feeling. She’s got no glow anymore. I know myself already. When I get goofy it means I am sad inside. Some people behave differently when they are scared or sad inside. I got so drunk yesterday, Whiskey shots with Eric. With lots of Buds. I need to scream on top of a hill all my thoughts and fears. I feel stupid. I walk around feeling stupid. I am aching inside. I think I can easily put the bag of bricks down. But that is evil. If I treat it like business then I would be lying to myself. At least I am not waiting anymore. Now I am dealing with it. this is who I am.


Peter Parker loves Mary Jane because it doesn't matter
how many people you've slept with or what you've gone
through as a person - as long as you have a
personality or an aura that appeals to others, you
will keep your lovers attracted to you.
Peter Parker saw something in Mary Jane that he liked
- what does it matter that it doesn't make sense from
the outside? Who are we to question the love or
choices of others?

Why...That is... So so so WACK!!!!....I think I can get something better than this...please someone try again

Ok here is another one I got emailed a link two by Ken Raggio

An Essay about LOVE
Love by Ken
I would like to share my personal observations about LOVE.
Much has been said about love, but if you search the horizon, you will discover that most of the things written about love are either pithy or cynical.
Society in general can be cruel and heartless toward real virtue of any kind. In the most popular venues, love is seldom dealt with with any degree of sobriety. Modern humor mocks marriage, husbands and wives, then glorifies every conceivable breech of virtue, such as sexual immorality, profane and obscene values.
Real love is a mystery to most people. Most people never realize the true potential or value of love, nor do they learn to practice the art of love. It is usually very poorly defined. People think they are in love, but they can’t explain it. There is a great deal of confusion and cross-referencing of the terms LOVE, ROMANCE, INFATUATION, AFFECTION, TENDERNESS and so forth.
Love may include romance, infatuation, affection and tenderness. But even if those elements are not present, it could still be love.
A lot of people will tell you that they are in love, or that they have been in love, but there is a huge disparity between one person’s definition of love and another’s.




1 - 20 - 05



I am dizzy...from the moment I woke up. I keep thinking about that. I am dreaming it. And I am fighting it. I think of Peter Parker and wonder how can he love Mary Jane so much, she had been with so many men and loved so many other men but still this man named peter parker loves her dearly like there is no one else around, I will ask around. Love is heavy in my head.





1 - 19 - 05


It's inside of me...I need to take control...or something is going to exsplode...let it snow let it snow let it snow..

Off to Rachel's Bday party




Stuff I did at the bar...


AJ on the Attack






1- 18 - 05
Team Piranha 2.0





1 - 15 - 05
Stuff in the last few days








New Jacket




1 - 13 - 05
APA Ceremony


This Award Ceremony is for last seasons Winners Summer 2004, not this past seasons winners.

APA NYC Ceremony was fun and my first.. But not my first Trophie...More like my sixth...We went to the home base afterward. ate Sushi, played pool and had fun.. little Russian bear....Eight on the break...Now she's peeps...

Sanctioned by the American Poolplayers Association





1 - 11 - 05
Team Stick it In


Back to the Tri annuals...third times the Charm!!!

I couldn't of won my match without Rachel. There was just something about her last night I couldn't put my finger on, but she was glowing and very Angelic that evening to me from the moment I walked into the bar, maybe it was the whole oatmeal brain thing from work that day we were talking about, maybe the moon was right who knows, but one thing if for sure with my whole team standing behind me and if I stood next to her during match I couldn't loose.I really do need my team to win my matches...We had a big toast and had a happy time afterward..

Michelle from the airport coming from Key west goose strait to the bar to support her team!!! big bags and all.Did i mention she also bought along a burn





1 - 11 - 05
Wed late night
Team Stick it In


The fantastic fours



1 - 10 - 05
Distress call


11:30am Monday
I was bit emo
1:19pm Monday
Cell phone went dead this was the last straw…
Still bugged




1 - 9 - 05
Just to let you know


I own pajamas now…
My Aunt gave me a late Christmas Present; Pajamas. WOW….

I haven’t owned a pair of pj’s for about 25 years or more.

Their is something twisted about it. Pajamas. What kind of a man wears PJs? Hmmmm? Pjs. Is it for dorks? Or guys who want to disguise as dorks. Ill give it a shot...

Yesterday there was this Woman who walked into the E-bar. She was striking, like lightning. Lightning can be deadly if you get to close. I think she knows it though. That stinks. I didn't take any pictures of her. I didn't want my camera to be electrocuted. Come to think of it I didnt even pull out my camera yesterday. I’m tired of taking pics. I did it every day for a whole year once; 8 thousand to be exact.

People are funny; lately people have been very arbitrary and basic to me. It could be me just getting my shit together. No cigs less booze more sex. I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders since accepting the changed of seasons in people. We all die at some point in our daily living. Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall; Fall is death. I will make efforts to not take the lives of others too personal.

Though seeking this slogan is a mistake according to Zen. Dualistic idealism is also a no-no for Zen practice. It happens when you don’t seek it. Of lately I have seen some humiliating behaviors in people I would not expect to see from. And I have seen some change in character of others.

Of course this could be something I didn’t notice before. I will be single for a long time but this does not mean I will be alone ether. Trust is key with me. Faithfulness is also on the top of my totem. It humbles me all the time, reassurance, but reassurance can be a tool for lying. I know this already but I feel hypocritical saying this to my self and evidently on the Internet.

I must accept certain things in life and in people, fighting it on the inside keeps me awake at night; in the forms of little demons. Pinching me hard enough to open my eyes in the dark and think aloud. They laugh at me from the shadows of my bedroom, those nine-inch nec-room-mancers. Today is a sunny day, Sunday, January 9, 2005. It is bright outside with the air crisp and the wind cool. I woke up to a ring from my cell and got ready to go out and enjoy the day.




1 - 8 - 05


Before I begin I just want to add something that has been driving me nuts for the last 6 to 8 months or so. It is so not cool when somebody buys 5 to 10 beers and leaves a dollar tip.

This is what Silvia from BBC has to put up with when this Dick head comes to play every Friday with his friend’s. The Dick head buys a beer for all his buddies and leaves the bar tender a dollar tip.

He does this all night. She tells me he’s been doing this for a long time. No way can anybody ever convince me or any working normal person that somebody who leaves sweet Silvia a dollar tip after buying 5 to 10 beers is an ok Person. Yeah sure, he’s ok for some body just like him.

But he’s not ok with me or with other people who think a person who works for tips and give good service deserves a decent tip.

Maybe I’m being to hard and judgmental.

He probably just gives a shit for the bartender being she is a minority; ya-know, the Spanish servant I’m above you thing.

Like I said before the qualities of a person show through subtleties in there actions. His action was a cheap one, a broke one, and a selfish one

I was saying
I feel vacant, Julie noticed today. My game is empty "it has no substance," Spencer was telling me this. You lost to mark William?!? For shame… Ronnie was embarrassed for me. For some reason something inside of me is telling me this will all mean something important later. But I really dont give a shit.

For now I need to start filling up with something new. I had a small sign today but it wasn’t hardcore. It was just an idea. Today I was blank, my game was purposeless my thoughts were void but I was still sweating in the cold.

As if my heart was racing to get the good stroke inn so she can feel it. My mind as racing about something I couldn’t put my finger on. I will take it easy and move forward one step at a time. My temple has candles with no flames.

Its pretty strange how things turn out. Seasons change people change. I changed I think for the stronger. Today I had a cig and was thinking Love doesn’t care about how hard you fall. I was falling and landed on my feet.

Like in my dreams, that falling dream, ya-know the one were your falling and you wake up before you hit the ground, well I hit the ground, and then stood up brushed the concrete off my shoulders, looked down at my feet saw my shoes were still shiny then I moved on.

I can’t be chilly for long. I guess I should be happy about that. I guess.




1 - 6/7 - 05
Thursday / Friday the 7th day






1 - 6 - 05


Trouble Every Day

Shane (Vincent Gallo) and June (Tricia Vessey) are a young American couple honeymooning in Paris. Shane is secretly on the trail of one Dr Léo Semeneau (Alex Descas), a research scientist he used to work with and whose unorthodox experiments seem to have mysteriously led to the terrible affliction beleaguering Coré (Béatrice Dalle), Semeneau's wife, and Shane himself: an uncontrollable urge to devour the hapless objects of their lust...
1:27 am. Stop jumping up William. Your sweating William. Why are you hitting it so hard William? Don’t pay attention to anything around you, William. These are the things I train myself not to do. Eliminate worry. Don’t worry about winning and don’t worry about losing. If you make a bad shot or miss the pocket don’t scold your self for it, if you make a lovely shot with good position don’t pat your self on the back for it. So when do you enjoy the game William? The reason for doing it at that moment, the moment before the kiss is more exciting sometimes then when it’s acutely happening. Sometimes there’s fire works when you do, some times nothing. I don’t love the game like I used too, Or maybe I don’t love the reason like I used too. I have said this before but now its getting worse, and I am scared to go back to the beginning. I don’t now why, I am floating in limbo, and I am scared, what am I scared of? The reason for wanting to get good is no longer the reason. I need a new reason, that might be it. I had written this before, about the reason for doing it. I need a new reason. What was it before? You ask. Love. What can be a better reason than that?
If you have a game based on, “I don’t want a coach, I don’t need one, let me play my game” And you still lose, And your consistently losing week after week with that attitude about how you think this is going to give your team a win then maybe you shouldn’t be on the APA Team 8-ball. I almost put this dude on my team who thinks taking a time out is going to make him lose. Sorry my friend, even the best players in the world have to stop and think a bit about how to handle a table. If you have the kind of game that derails after you stop for a moment to think or hear suggestions from other people you like, don’t like, think there game stinks, think there game is good or what ever, then you don’t belong on a team.
I am not saying this is a bad way to play but it is not a team way to play. Sorry Joe but ya-gota-go. Meet me in the pool hall one day and lets see you shoot with one of the big mouth regulars who will stop you on every other shot just to get your money. It is kind of challenging I think to be able to shoot well under different kinds of circumstances. Like the cercumstance of some one yelling time out at you while you are down on your shot forcing you to get up and talk about what it is your doing or going to do, even if it talking about doing your laundry, to go back down on your shot and pick up your momentum again is a well-skill-full-player I think as opposed to the big cry baby who had to stop to think about there shot and then missed following that miss with the excused of “ you spoke to me before I shot, its your fault I missed” I think this is the reason why I stuck to young people on my team, there minds is a little more opened and less filled with ideas from time. Time can develop nasty habits that are hard to break.




1 - 6 - 05


Wed afternoon about my Tuesday game. The news was heard around the world; we won; I won, this is going to take us to the next round in the play offs. There was a lot of pressure. I like pressure, I function better under pressure, we had visitors from other teams Like Rogers and Spencer and Peter, Merik and so forth, I had my whole team in addition to the opposing team hanging on every movement me and my opponent did, I liked it even though I wasn’t exactly on my A-game. But according to one person about my Monday game I can’t handle pressure. What a trick that was, On my Monday game I lost my match, not due to the fact I was under pressure, because there wasn’t any there to begin with, there was the opposing team watching, and only three of my team mates including one alcoholic x player of mine who was eminent on me losing by not coaching me, but instead ignoring me and trying to get my last two player drunk with tequila shots-they-so-rejected a three or four times. I have won time and again play off and Tri-Annual matches over the last 26 months or so. This was the first lose in a playoff match in a long time. I know it wasn’t due to the fact that I had tense muscles on my back effecting stroke along with a sweaty for-head under the pressure of the urgencies in the-miss-and- must get it in the hole thing. It was really heartrending to hear that from a person you expect to hear positive things from. The sad thing on that critique about my game on Monday was that that person who said I cracked wasn’t even there to watch the match, so I don’t know how in the blazes can anyone say I failed under pressure. With my small past, a few Tri-Annual trophies the wall at Ebar.

Last Tuesday we won last Monday we lost

Team: Stick it in & Rumblefish

Theres always next season



1 - 1 - 05
and a few days afterward


Sunday Saki Sloshed…
I practiced for my Play off matches coming on Monday and Tuesday. I need too go back to the basics, back to my Zen. After my fake practice we went to eat Sushi Julie, Perkash and I.

I got sloshed off of Hot Saki. I bobbled around and then got real mad at a certain someone cause they didn’t do their regular Sunday call I always look forward too. I dunked dialed her and left a silly message, I was loaded.

Afterward we all went to the E-bar for some more practice, the bar was packed with people, I was as full as New Years eve, strange, its Sunday don’t these people have to work?

Lindsay and Shot man noticed my funk and they told me some wise words. I felt better, I am not alone in my dramatic character, those guys are the best. Me and Shot man are a lot more alike than I remembered.

A lot of things…
For the last couple of days People have been telling me “William, you have not looked so happy these last couple of months.” I find myself going back to the way I was years ago. I need to stop this.

There is an element in my life that is rippling the lake. I don’t know if it’s coming from the deep or if I dropped in from the sky. Maybe I need to smell flowers.